A Decade Apart
by SarahAH30
Summary: After 10 years apart, crossed wires and mixed signals can first love be rekindled. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own Twilight (obviously) SM does, however if I did, Jasper would be permanently tied to my bed and I would not be sharing.**

**First things first, this was originally written for AlsoFrightened6 for his birthday.**

**I really need to thank CatMaster and rmhale for pre reading this for and pointing out the bits that didn't make sense and OCDJen for being amazingly supportive and boosting my confidence when I got scared to post anything.**

**Last but by no means least, special thanks to my beta , I know you have a lot to deal with right now honey but thank you so much for doing this for me, you are amazing.**

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****A Decade Apart**

As much as I love my little sister, sometimes I wish I had gone through with the swap Tanya Denali offered me when I was six: my new baby sister for her Twizzler. I really was really tempted. At six years old I would much rather have had a Twizzler than a baby sister, but I knew Mom and Dad wouldn't be happy with me. For reasons that escaped me at such a young age, they actually liked having a screaming smelly baby around.

For someone so small, Alice really is a huge pain in my ass sometimes. She knows that I will never say no to her, no matter what it costs me financially, physically, and like to today, emotionally.

Alice has been working in A&R for a year now, and this is her first big solo project: the album launch of a new alternative rock band, 'Comply or Die'. The DJ for the party pulled out at the last minute and she couldn't get a replacement. That's where I came in, as an emergency DJ.

So long as I got to stay behind the decks all night, everything would be fine. So long as I didn't have to come face to face with the band's lead singer, I couldn't see a problem.

Alice had been raving about this new band for a while, especially how gorgeous, talented, and funny the band's lead singer was.

I was happy for her. If the band did well, it would do wonders for her reputation within the industry. It wasn't until the press started to take an interest that I started to fake interest.

Now, it would be so much easier for me if the band faded back into obscurity. At least then I wouldn't have to see 'his' face staring back at me from every newsstand and, at the moment, every damn TV station.

I could agree with Alice that Comply or Die's lead singer was gorgeous, talented, and very funny. He was also the first boy I ever kissed, the boy that gave me my first blow job, and the guy I have measured every partner against since I was sixteen.

It is one of my best and worst memories. I can remember the summer of nineteen ninety-nine so vividly. I had just turned sixteen and was spending the summer with my best friend Bella in Jacksonville. She had moved there the previous summer after her mom remarried. I had been there about a week when we ran into him at the local store. He was beautiful with his unruly tangle of blonde curls, amazingly expressive blue eyes; beautiful plump and kissable pink lips... the list just went on and on.

I hadn't realised I was staring until Bella poked me, rather painfully may I add, in the ribs. He introduced himself as Jasper Whitlock and said he was spending the summer with his Gran to give his mom a break. Apparently his mom had remarried and he didn't get along all that well with his new step father and step sister. From what he told us, I'm not surprised he didn't get on with his step sister Rose. She sounded like a right bitch.

Bella invited him to hang with us for the summer and I couldn't have been happier. Being my best friend, Bella was one of the few people outside of my family that knew I was gay and had instantly picked up on my attraction to Jasper. As the weeks passed by, the three of us became inseparable. Bella was becoming unbearable with her little comments about me and Jasper but he, for the most part, seemed oblivious.

On our last day in Jacksonville, Jasper's Gran invited me and Bella for a sleep over. Unfortunately, Bella was sick and had to stay home. Not that I minded. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't happy she was sick, but I was glad our last night together would be just me and Jasper. Jasper seemed pretty excited too.

We had spent the night lounging around in our pyjamas watching movies and stealing sips from a bottle of Jack Daniels Jasper had managed to get his hands on. Around ten thirty, his Gran let us know she was heading to bed and to keep the noise down and not stay up too late.

It was around half an hour later that Jasper started inching closer to me on the bed. I lay there as still as I could, pretending to watch the movie and not notice what he was doing. Once he was close enough, he rested his hand on my leg and started to draw lazy circles on my thigh.

My breathing hitched. I was just about to open my mouth to say something, anything, when his lips met mine.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement, but as his mouth moved over mine, I had never been happier. He trailed his tongue between my lips, urging me to open my mouth and let him in. In that single moment, I had found my own personal nirvana.

As his tongue caressed mine, I was euphoric and all sense and reason left my body. I gave myself over to the bliss that was Jasper kissing me. After moments of our mouths trying to take dominance over each other, Jasper pulled away. I actually whimpered at the loss of contact. Why did he stop?

'Edward?' Opening my eyes, I was met with Jasper staring down at me, blushing.

'Please tell me you want this. I've wanted to kiss you all summer.'

I could feel myself blushing too, but there was no way I was going to let our kiss end there. From somewhere inside myself, I found the courage to say, 'What took you so long?'

Grinning at me, he replied, 'I knew tonight was our last night together and even if you didn't kiss me back, I wouldn't have the embarrassment of having to see you again, knowing you didn't want me. But, I would have the memory of the feel of your lips on mine and that I at least got to kiss you once.'

A rambling Jasper was a very cute Jasper indeed.

Although we had stopped kissing, it hadn't escaped my notice that we hadn't stopped touching. All the while we talked, Jasper's hand had never left my thigh. Following my gaze, he noticed this too and withdrew his hand.

Looking down, he began fiddling with a stray thread on his t-shirt. 'Edward, I know we only have tonight left together; I feel like we've wasted all summer. Please tell me you feel this too and that I can kiss you again.'

Smiling, I moved forward slowly, raising my hand to his cheek. I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. 'Jasper, I would love nothing more than for you to shut up and just be kissing me again. '

The next thing I knew, I was laying on my back with Jasper's hard body pressed over mine. My sixteen year old hormone ravaged body had never been happier. Raising my hips, my painfully hard erection pressed into his. Cocking his eyebrow, Jasper looked down at me and rocked his hips against mine, eliciting a whimper from me and something close to a growl from Jasper.

Once again, his lips were on mine, urgent and full of need. Not holding back this time, I parted my lips and his tongue was sweeping mine. He tasted of Jack Daniels and popcorn, and nothing had ever tasted more delicious. All the while he was kissing me, our hips were rocking together in a steady rhythm causing an amazing friction between both our hard cocks. My hands started to make their way under his t-shirt, trailing my fingers lightly up and down his sides. I needed that shirt out of the way now. Gripping the hem of his shirt, I tried to pull it up. Jasper, realising what I was trying to achieve, stilled his movements and all but ripped his shirt over his head then grabbed at mine. In mere seconds, we were both without shirts.

Jasper shirtless had become one of my favourite sights over the summer. He was lean like me but toned, not skinny. I knew he liked to keep in shape doing crunches or something. Whatever it was, he should keep doing it as the definition to his abs was amazing. I wanted to reach out and trail my fingers over each one. I couldn't stop myself from drinking in the sight of him, my eyes roaming over his tanned, toned chest and coming to rest on his dusky pink nipples. Without pausing to think, I sat up the best I could and took one of his nipples into my mouth. Rolling my tongue over it as it pebbled, I gently bit down a little. 'FUCK Edward, that feels so good!'

I had no idea what had come over me. Other than Bella, I had never kissed anyone else, let alone done anything like this. In a move that surprised us both, I soon had Jasper on his back with my hands roaming his chest. I stopped momentarily to pinch and roll his nipples between my thumb and my finger. He threw his head back into the pillows, arching his neck. A turned on Jasper was a very sexy Jasper indeed. I moved my lips to his neck, starting to lay gentle kisses and nips from just below his ear and working my way down until I reached his collarbone.

Once again I found myself on my back, this time with Jasper attacking my neck, biting and licking his way down. Nothing had ever felt better. Once he reached my nipples, he flattened his tongue and took a swipe over one, wetting it, then gently blowing across it. I could feel the goose bumps rising all over my body. With only a momentary thought to his Gran asleep down the hall and trying not to wake her, I let out a low moan, letting him know how good he was making me feel. After lavishing attention to both my nipples, his kisses crept ever lower. I felt him dip his tongue into my belly button and I swear I almost melted on the spot.

I felt his hand move to the waistband of my pyjama bottoms, tugging, all the while still lavishing my stomach with loving kisses. 'Ja….Ja…Jasper, what are you doing?'

'Sssshh darling, I just wanna make you feel good. I've been dreaming of doing this to you all summer.'

Without thinking, I raised my hips, allowing him to pull off my pyjama bottoms. I couldn't believe I was laying on Jasper's bed. Naked. My erect cock bare and twitching for attention. With a mischievous smile, Jasper leant back down and continued his assault on my stomach. He gradually moved lower until I felt him snake out his tongue and lick across the head of my painfully hard cock. Teasing me, he dipped lower, flattening his tongue and running it from the base all the way up my shaft back up to the head. Dipping his tongue into my slit and around the head, he tasted the pre cum that had gathered there.

Then he stopped.

'Jasper what's wrong? Why'd you stop?' I all but whined.

Resting up on my elbows, I looked down at him pulling a face and wrinkling his nose. God he looked adorable. 'Sure don't taste like how they write about it.'

Damn, I hope it wasn't that bad. I really wanted him to finish what he had started. I wanted to bury myself in this throat and give myself over to absolute pleasure. Instead I said, 'Jasper, babe, if it's that bad you really don't have to…'

Before I had the chance to finish what I was saying, he looked me straight in the eye. 'Uh uh darling, I intend to finish what I started. I was just a little shocked is all,' he grinned back at me.

He lowered his mouth back over my aching cock, enveloping me into the exquisite warmth of his mouth. Slowly, he worked his way back up and down again, curling his tongue around the head on his upstroke. Hollowing out his cheeks, he sucked me back down. I felt myself resting at the back of his throat and that's when he swallowed around me and hummed. Holy crap on a cracker!

'FUCK! Jasperrrrr... gonna cum...'

He instantly released me and replaced his mouth with his hand. While his hand gripped my length and worked itself up and down, twisting gently when he reached the head, his lips were back on mine. Seconds later, I felt myself release onto his hand and my stomach. As my body turned to Jello, our kisses slowed and stopped. 'Jasper, that was amazing,' I sighed.

Just thinking of that night has got me semi hard. I had wanted to return the favour, but Jasper only felt comfortable with me getting him off with my hand. We fell asleep that night in each other's arms and said goodbye the next day. We stayed in touch via email and IM and were due to meet up again in Jacksonville the next summer, but when I turned up his Gran informed me that he wasn't coming after all. His band was playing some of the summer music festivals instead. God. His damn band was all I had heard about for months from him. He hadn't even had the decency to let me know he wouldn't be meeting me after all. Bella says I was unbearable all summer and almost wishes I had stayed home.

After that, I only heard from him once more. Six months after we were supposed to have met, I received a single line email:

**To: **Edward Cullen

**Date: **12.14.2000

**From: **Jasper Whitlock

**Subject:**

_Thinking of you_

I deleted it and changed my email address.

Although I never forgot, I very rarely let myself think about him. That was until Alice showed me the pictures for the band's first press release. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him since, no matter how hard I tried. I was only slightly surprised that Alice hadn't realised who Jasper was when they started working together, but I hadn't mentioned J for years. At ten years of age, Alice wasn't really all that interested in my life. I wish the same could be said now.

Although I never admitted it to anyone but myself I had fallen in love with Jasper, hard. Every relationship since, every guy I met was measured against Jasper, and none of them could compare.

I really needed to stop thinking about him if I were to get through tonight. What I really needed was a drink and a smoke.

'Hey, Rock DJ, I want you to meet someone.'

Damn Alice and her perfect timing! Turning around, I was confronted with my darling baby sister and none other than Mr. Rock Star himself, Jasper.

'Eddie, this is Jasper. You know, the lead singer of my baby Comply or Die.'

Alice really did think of the band as her baby.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, as I often did in times of stress. It seemed to relieve some of the tension. Holding out my hand for him to shake, I said the only thing I could...

'Hi Jasper, nice to meet you. Alice has told me all about you. Sorry guys, but please excuse me. I need to make sure everything is set up for later.'

With that, I walked away. I could tell from the look in his eyes he more than remembered me. As I made my way over to the decks, I could still feel the tingles running up my arm from where he shook my hand. This wasn't fair; after ten years he shouldn't be able to have this affect on me.

After checking everything was set, I headed home to get ready for the night ahead. I tried my best to shake all thoughts of Jasper from my mind. He had obviously moved on and along the way realised he was straight. I had given up counting the number of women he had been pictured with over the last few months. Every time he was in the press, he was photographed with yet another woman draped across his frame.

I was getting angry, with myself for allowing myself to get so engrossed in Jasper again, and with Jasper for throwing me away so easily. I had spent the last few months feeling like I was some kind of experiment for him. No matter how angry I got, it still didn't stop me jacking off in the shower to my memories of that summer.

The launch party was going well. The band had arrived, played a short set, answered the press question, and posed for photographs. Alice had had words with me earlier for being rude to Jasper. Apparently, he got rather upset after meeting me and his sister had to take him off to calm down. According to Alice, it was my entire fault for being an ass.

I had successfully managed to keep myself confined behind the decks all night, sending my assistant Tyler off to gets drinks and snacks as I needed them. But now I was in serious need of a piss and a smoke. I hadn't seen Jasper for a while; the last I had seen of him he had some red headed reality TV star fawning all over him. They were nowhere to be seen now so I felt safe to make my move.

Leaving the decks to Tyler, I made my way to the back of the makeshift stage to use the bathroom then head outside for a smoke. That was when I heard a conversation that almost made my heart stop.

'For god's sake Jasper, this is your big night. After ten years the band's finally made it, yet your sitting here on your own, hiding, looking like someone just killed your puppy.'

'God Rosie, just leave me alone, please.'

'I will not leave you alone. You're acting like a child, Jasper.'

'Will you stop acting like my mother Rosie?'

'Don't pull that shit with me, Jasper Hale Whitlock. Get your ass back out there. You've given up too much to get where you are today to be sat here sulking.'

'A, I'm not sulking and B, believe me sis, I know how much I gave up. The most important thing I gave up by far is out there and can't even bare to look at me.'

'I know, J, and you swore to me when you found out he was Alice's brother it wouldn't be a problem.'

'It wasn't, then, but I thought…..'

'You thought what, J? That he'd see you again after ten years and fall at your feet? You froze him out hon, focused all your time and energy on the band and forgot about him.'

'I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HIM!'

'Oh, really? After that second summer you were supposed to spend together, you never mentioned him again.'

'That's because it hurt too much, Rosie. I never forgot, though. Why do you think none of my relationships last? Because none of them even compare to him.'

I had to walk away. I couldn't listen to this anymore; my mom always warned me about eaves dropping. Hearing Jasper shout at his sister that he hadn't forgotten about me was too much. I didn't know if I wanted to go in there and hit him or kiss him.

Instead, I opted to do what I had set out do in the first place: I went to the bathroom then headed outside for a smoke. I could really do with talking with Bella, but she was off somewhere with her husband, Jacob, trying to get impregnated.

Finishing my cigarette, I decided the best thing I could do was to head back inside, hand the decks over to Tyler, and head home. I would gladly take the tongue lashing from Alice tomorrow; it had to be better than hanging around here torturing myself with what I heard.

Heading back inside, I made my way over to Tyler to let him know I was heading home.

'Ty go you gonna be ok here if I bail?'

'Sure, no probs E, you ok?'

'Yeah, I just want to get home and curl up on the couch with George, you know?'

'Yeah, I get you man, but you do know he's probably just going to walk out when you walk in.'

'Don't remind me. He's been in a foul mood with me since the operation.'

'Yeah, I think I would be too. You head home and take care of George. I'm sure he just needs some love and attention. I'll be fine here, seems to be winding down a little now anyway.'

Turning around to head out, I almost collided with Jasper. Looking up into his eyes, I saw nothing but hurt. What the hell has he got to be hurt over? I just brushed by him and headed out, hoping I could avoid Alice on the way.

With a sigh, I opened my front door hoping to hell George wasn't going to be pissed with me again. Heading into the front room, I found him curled up on the couch.

'Hi sweetie, how you doing today?' I asked him.

He opened one eye lazily and glared at me. Waking up fully, he got off the couch, stretched, and walked out of the room.

Heaven knows what possessed me to get a cat, but when I was at the pound with Bella and Jacob getting Sam, their dog, I saw George and just had to take him home. He reminded me so much of me; where my hair was a reddish brown almost bronze colour, his fur was ginger blonde and just like mine, stuck out everywhere. No matter how much you groomed him, it was always a mess. Also just like me, he was moody and liked his own space, and I swear he was gay. You never saw him with any of the neighbourhoods female cats but he was always mincing past the toms. George had been pissed at me for a week since I had taken him to the vets to get neutered.

Deciding to leave George to his 'woe is me' act, I headed into my bedroom, undressed, and went for a shower.

Twenty minutes later, I was showered and dressed in my pyjama bottoms, raiding the fridge for food and beer. I had just finished my first beer while my left over pizza was heating when there was a knock at my door.

Sighing, I went to answer it, praying to god that it wouldn't be Alice or my cousin Emmett, drunk again and forgetting he didn't live here anymore.

Opening the door, I was shocked to all hell to find Jasper standing there looking sheepish. As I went to close the door, being in no mood right now to talk to him, he stuck his foot out and stopped the door.

'Edward, please just talk to me. Stop pretending like you don't remember me.'

'Jasper, what is there to say? We spent some time together ten years ago, we've both grown up and moved on; you've got your career now. What are you doing here? You should be at your party; it's everything you ever wanted isn't it?'

'No, Edward, it isn't everything I ever wanted. I know you've moved on but please just give me five minutes. Is George here?'

What the hell? Why was he asking about my cat?

'George is around somewhere. He's pissed at me right now so he's probably in my room pissing in my shoes. Apparently, cats do that when they're pissed.'

Jasper let out a sigh that almost sounded relieved. 'George is your cat?'

Puzzled, I answered, 'Yeah, of course he is. Why?'

'Thank god. I thought he was your partner.'

'How did you know about George anyway?'

'I heard you talking to your assistant before you left. Look Edward, can I please come in and talk? Just for a minute?'

Sighing and against my better judgement, I opened the door and invited him in. I don't know why but I offered him a drink. He asked if I had Jack Daniels. I poured him and myself a generous measure and offered him a seat.

Taking a large swallow of my drink, I looked over at Jasper. He was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Resting the arm holding my drink on my leg, I asked him what he was doing here.

'Jasper, it's been ten years without a word and then you turn up here. Why? In fact, before you answer that, how? Who told you where I lived?'

Jasper had leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees and looking at the floor. 'I looked in Ali's organiser, told her I wanted to check the upcoming tour dates, and found your address. I was honestly just looking for a phone number or email address but when I found your address, I just had to come over here. Why did you change your email address and cell number? Did you hate me that much?'

What the hell?

'Jasper, I changed my email and cell after you left me that summer without so much as a word. For gods sake, I had to hear from your Gran that you weren't coming to see me. You never called or wrote and I realised how little I meant to you and how stupid I was for holding onto one night for so long. It's ok, Jasper. I know now, you moved on and realised you were straight. I was just an experiment to you. You don't need to worry. If that's why you're here, I'm not gonna tell anyone you sucked me off when you were sixteen; your secret's safe with me. Ali would have my balls for ear rings in a second if I dared say anything bad that ruined your image.'

Jasper just sat there with a look on his face halfway between shocked and angry.

'Straight? What on earth makes you think I _**decided**_ I was straight? You were, no, you _are_ more than an experiment to me, Edward. I'm gay and you know that. Always have been always will be.'

'You could have fooled me, Jasper. I've lost count of the number of women you've dated over the last six months.'

'Oh god!' He cried. 'Please tell me you aren't stupid enough to believe everything you read in the press! Yes, I've been pictured with lots of women, but that's the record company, not me. They thought it was better for the band's image if I came over as straight, at least until we got a sound fan base and started actually selling records. The only person at the label who doesn't seem to give a shit is Alice. She's pissed that I listened to the suits and didn't come out in our first press release.'

Yeah, that sounded like Alice. Ever since the day she realised just exactly what I meant when I told her I was gay, she has been one of my strongest supporters.'

'Don't fucking call me stupid! Ok, so because the record company says , you're building a fan base based on lies. So you're actually gay. What the fuck does that have to do with me? It's been ten years, Jasper.'

I stood up and stormed into the kitchen. I grabbed two beers, opened them, and marched back into the front room. Never let it be said I'm not hospitable even when I'm pissed. I slammed a beer down in front of Jasper and was about to go and stand by the window as far away from him as I could, but he looked at me with tears streaming down his face. For the second time in ten years, Jasper broke my heart. But I wasn't about to let him know that. I could be quite the bastard when I wanted to be.

'What the fuck are you crying for, Jasper? You got everything you wanted but you're sat here on the biggest night of your life crying on my couch.'

'Edward, the biggest night of my life was the night you let me kiss you. Nothing ever comes close to that night….'

I opened my mouth to speak.

'No, please Edward, let me finish. I've waited almost ten years to say this; I need to get it out without you interrupting me and you need to damn well listen. After I'm done, if you still feel the same, I'll leave and never bother you again.'

Sighing, I sat down and gestured with my arm that he had the floor and was free to speak. I pulled a cigarette from the packet on the coffee table and threw the packet over to him, knowing he smoked too. As I lit up, I really wished I had something stronger but Emmett had taken all his shit with him when he moved out.

Jasper took a cigarette and lit it up, inhaling sharply and exhaling the smoke. He stood and started pacing and after what seemed like forever, he started to speak.

'First off Edward, I tried telling you so many times I wouldn't make it out that summer, but the words wouldn't come. The longer I left it, the harder it got. By the time I plucked up the courage, it was already too late and you were on the plane out to Jacksonville. That summer was the worst of my life. Our drummer at the time, Embry, was a bigoted idiot. There was nothing he hated more than homosexuals, and boy did he let us all know it. The rest of the band knew I was gay, how could they not? I never stopped talking about you, but for the sake of the band I kept it quiet around Embry. We had auditioned so many people and he really was the best we could find; we thought we needed him. After one gig, he'd disappeared. We found him outside kicking the shit out of some kid wearing an 'Out and Proud' badge.'

He stopped pacing and put out his cigarette before continuing.

'We had an emergency band meeting afterwards and decided he had to go. We found our current drummer Jared a few days later. It was like fate we met him. Not only did we need a drummer badly but I needed someone that understood me and what I was going through. We became best friends. Hell, I was even best man when he got married to his wife Kim last year. After months of listening to me wallowing over you, and how it taken me so long to pluck up the courage to contact you again and got no reply. I suppose this was around the time you had changed your contact details. Jared took me out and told me straight to either suck it up and track you down, tell you how I felt or put you to the back of mind and concentrate on the band. As much as I hate myself for doing it I concentrated on the band. Jared is the best friend I've ever had. Yes, before he met his wife, we fooled around. Jared is Bi but was always so sure of himself and he really helped me to understand myself and what I wanted out of life.

'Jasper, I really don't want to sit here and listen to your conquests.'

Picking up my cigarette packet, he lit up another one.

'That's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to explain how I got to be here now, how I finally got the courage to stand in front of you and say this. Do you have no idea how fucking hard this is? When I couldn't reach you, it broke me. I know I had no right to talk to you after not turning up that summer but when I went to visit Gran over Christmas break, the first thing I did was head over to see Bella. After she hit me and yelled at me for hours, she told me leave you be and move on.'

Christ, I was gonna rip Bella a new one when she got back from her break with Jacob.

'It hurt, but I understood where she was coming from. We had just turned seventeen, you we're in Washington State and I was in Texas. Other than a few weeks a year, we would still been in the same predicament. Bella and I stayed in touch for a while and she told me how you were spending the following summer in Europe with your boyfriend Mike and his parents. That was the summer my Gran passed. I spent two weeks sat in my room at my Gran's thinking of you and mourning... the loss of my Gran and the loss of you.

For the next few years, I pushed myself and the band hard. While we were working I wasn't thinking of you, but you were never far from my mind.'

He threw his wallet at me and told me to open. With trepidation, I picked it up and opened it. My heart was in my mouth when I saw a photo taken by Bella of me and Jasper in the summer of nineteen ninety. Shocked, I closed it and placed it back on the table.

'You have every right to hate me and throw me out, but believe me when I say I will never forgive myself for the way I behaved. You've already given me more than I deserved by letting me into your home and letting me talk to you.'

This was the moment George decided to show his face. He stood at the door, eyeing us both. With a hiss aimed in my direction, he made his way over to Jasper and started working his way around his legs. Jasper sat back down on the couch and George immediately jumped into his lap, making himself comfortable. Smiling down at my traitorous cat, Jasper smiled. 'Only you would have a cat that takes style tips from you. Is his fur naturally this messy?'

Laughing, I said, 'Yeah, that's why I bought him home from the pound. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was meant to be my cat. We normally get along well but he's pissed at me because I had him neutered last week.'

George looked up at this comment and hissed at me again, fucking cat. Jasper lazily stroked his head and he settled back down, purring in Jaspers lap. It looked the perfect picture, my cat curled up with the love of my life on my couch. What the fuck? I really couldn't be thinking about Jasper being the love of my life right now, could I?, I was angry at him; he left me behind like I was nothing. Could I forgive him after listening to his side of things? I could feel myself getting pulled back into all things Jasper. Was I strong enough to handle it this time? What if he left me again? He'd already said the record company wanted the media to see him as straight, and then of course once the album launched there would be the tour. Could I handle having him back in my life to live a lie and for him to go away again for months at a time?

'What are you thinking Edward? I can see the wheels turning over there.'

'Honestly? I was thinking if I could believe a word you say. If I do could I cope with being your secret until the record company decides it's safe for you to come out. Then there's the fact that you would be away an awful lot on tour, how would it be any different to how it would have been back then?'

He stood up suddenly, dislodging George from his lap.

'For fucks sake Edward, please believe me! You are all I ever, all I will always, want! Fuck the record company! Yeah, the band may be pissed at me but if you will just give me another chance, I'll get Ali to call a press conference tomorrow. I'll tell them all I'm gay and in love. So long as I can have you, I will always have exactly what I need to live my life happily.'

He crouched down on the floor in front of me and put his hands on my knees.

'Edward, please look at me.'

Warily, I looked at him, scared of what I would see in his face. His eyes were ablaze with passion and truth.

'Edward Anthony Cullen, I love you. I have loved you since I was sixteen years old. Please believe me; I know I don't deserve it, but please give me another chance to prove what you mean to me.'

He moved onto his knees.

'This is me, Jasper Whitlock, on my knees begging you to let me love you.'

How is it possible that after all this time and after everything that had passed that I could forgive him and let him back in? Crying, tears soaking my cheeks, I looked into his eyes again and nodded. 'OK.'

Reaching up, he bought his hand to my face. Using his thumb, he brushed away the tears falling down my cheek. I couldn't help myself as I shuddered and a sob escaped my lips.

'Please don't cry, sweetheart. I'm hanging on by a thread here myself, and if you don't stop I'm gonna start, then we're both gonna end up a sobbing mess.'

Using the back of my hands, I tried to brush away my tears. But now that the floodgates had opened, I really didn't think I would be able to stop. Jasper raised himself on his knees until our faces we're level and leaned towards me. I closed my eyes and let out a breath, then felt Jasper lips press against my closed eye lids.

'Sshh... I'm here now and I promise I'm not going anywhere. Please stop crying, you're breaking my heart.'

I sucked in a deep breath trying to steady myself and regain my composure. Once I was sure I could stop the tears for a moment, I leant forward and captured Jasper's lips between mine. Our mouths began to move together slowly, savouring each other. Jasper once again tasted of Jack Daniels, but this time the sweet taste of popcorn was replaced with the salty taste of my tears.

Jasper started to rise from his knees, never breaking the kiss, until he was leant over me. I reached out my arms and gripping him behind his thighs, pulled him until he was sat over my legs on the couch, straddling me. Where as teenagers our kisses had been urgent and full of need and want, our kisses now were slow, sensual, and full of longing. My hands found their way into Jasper's hair, tugging gently and pulling him closer to me, silently begging him to deepen the kiss. With a moan, I felt Jasper's tongue reach deeper into my mouth, exploring the hidden corners then curling and massaging my tongue with his.

I knew we had lots more to discuss but right now, in this moment, I wanted to loose myself in him. After years of trying and failing to get over him, I decided to live in the moment, consequences be damned.

Losing myself in the feeling of Jasper's lips on mine, my hands moved from his hair to his chest and pushed off the opened button down shirt he was wearing. He removed his arms from around my neck and shrugged out of it, his lips never once leaving mine. Once the offending shirt was gone, my fingers moved to the bottom of his vest and I tugged that over his head, forcing our lips apart. Once again, Jasper was before me bare chested and I savoured the sight. His physique had changed from that of a boy to a man but he was still essentially Jasper…_my _Jasper.

Jasper's hands had made their way to the hem of my t-shirt and with one pull he had it removed. Grinning at me, he winked and said, 'Fair's fair, Edward.'

I was starting to become painfully aware that I was sat in nothing but my pyjama bottoms whilst Jasper was still wearing his jeans. I could feel myself awakening and raising, my tears long forgotten and replaced with hunger for the man kissing me. Grabbing hold of his thighs, I stood, lifting Jasper with me. Once I was stood up fully, he wrapped his legs around my waist and with strength unbeknown to me, I managed to carry him to my bedroom. Reaching my bed, I let go of my grip on him and gently lowered him to the mattress. Removing my lips from his, I peppered kisses along his cheek down to his strong jaw, relishing the drag the scruff there caused as my tongue snaked out to lick and nip my way down to his neck. Reaching the juncture of his neck and shoulder, I couldn't help burying my nose and inhaling the scent that was wholly Jasper.

I was a fool to think I would ever be free of Jasper and that anyone else could make me feel this way.

He was lay before me, on my bed, arms stretched above his head. Without touching me, he was still making me feel more than I had felt in years. I had the feeling that he was letting me take the lead. Our last time together, Jasper had been so self assured, he had taken the lead. But now, he was letting me lead. I was thankful he was giving me this; I felt this was his way of assuring me that he was here at my mercy. Tonight was up to me. If I didn't want it to happen I could walk away and leave him there, wanting, as he had left me all those years ago.

I needed to forget what happened years ago and live in the now. I had a half naked Jasper on my bed and he sure as hell was going to be naked in the next few minutes.

Seeing as he was letting this be my show, I was going to savour every moment. As much as he promised and I wanted to believe, this could be my only chance to be with him. Yes, it would hurt like hell if it all turned out to be lies, but I had always known deep down that if we ever met again I wouldn't be able to walk away without spending one more night with him.

As my eyes swept over his body, I remembered every blemish on his torso right down to the tiny freckle just below his left nipple. I felt the tears forming in my eyes again. The time for tears was over; I could cry tomorrow after he left, hoping to god he would never leave again.

Barely holding back my tears, I lowered my head back to his neck. I allowed myself a moment to breathe him in again before my tongue began to trace the shape of his ear. Running slowly around the shell, I made my way to the lobe, sucking it into my mouth and gently biting down and tugging.

Jasper had started to move around under me, slowly writhing and rolling his hip upwards to meet mine. I purposely kept myself just out of reach, wanting to tease and tantalize him until he was begging me.

Moving from his ear, I made my way down his neck, stopping to rest at his adams apple. Knowing how it drove him crazy, I kissed and licked my way around it, moving to the other side of his neck. With feather light, barely there kisses, I made my way to his chest, reaching his already hard nipples. Capturing one in my mouth, I lavished it with attention, feeling it harden further against my tongue. Not wanting to leave any part of Jasper untouched by my lips, I kissed my way over to his other nipple, pausing to lightly kiss the small freckle just below before swirling my tongue around the dusky nub then capturing it between my teeth and pulling lightly.

Jasper arched himself from the bed, his body seeking contact with mine. So far he had been quiet but I didn't want that; I wanted to hear what I was doing to him. Pushing his taught frame back down to the bed, I sped up my kisses, moving steadily down and pausing only briefly to dip my tongue into his belly button. As I ran my nose along the soft hair of his happy trail, my hands moved to the large buckle of his belt, making light work of getting it open. Not bothering to remove his belt, my fingers moved straight to his buttons, popping each one open at lightening speed. I couldn't help the gasp that escaped me when I realised he wasn't wearing any underwear. Not wanting to waste any more time than we already had, I started to slowly pull down his jeans, gasping again as his hard length sprang free. My memories hadn't done him justice; he was so much bigger and thicker than I remembered. I knew I didn't have anything to complain about, but Jasper was a sight to behold. I couldn't wait to have him in my mouth. Hell, I couldn't wait to have him inside me.

After removing his Jeans along with his socks and boots, I decided to start my exploration of Jasper's body again starting from the bottom. Starting with his left ankle, I stared a trail of loving kisses up to his knee, gently sucking and nipping at the soft skin just inside his knee. With the moans and whimpers he was know issuing, it didn't take an idiot to realise Jasper liked it. Moving back down, I repeated the same action starting from his right ankle. Making my way past his knee, I continued my ministrations up his thigh. Finally reaching my destination, I buried my nose in the short hairs of his crotch, inhaling the musky scent of Jasper that permeated from there. Deciding my slow torture had taken long enough, I allowed my tongue to sweep over his balls, carefully sucking one into my mouth and rolling it with my tongue. I heard Jaspers breath hitch and felt the sheets under us bunching from where he must have gripped them. As my hand gripped Jasper's length, he gasped, 'Fuck Edward, that mouth should be illegal.'

Releasing him from my mouth, I said, 'Mmm... you liked that? You ain't felt anything yet.'

'Hmmm, I like cocky Edward.'

'Let me just finish here and I'll show you just how cocky I am.'

OH MY GOD! I can't believe I said that!

'You're blushing aren't you?' Jasper whispered. God, even after all this time he knew me so well.

Rather than answer him and let him know he was right, I moved over his straining cock and took all of him into my mouth, working myself down until my lips were being tickled by the tight curls around the base of his cock. This. This is where I have wanted to be for a decade.

Relaxing, I let his hard length rest at the back of my throat and using the move I had learned from him years ago, I swallowed and hummed, letting the vibrations emanate through him for a moment before I started my ascent. Slowly and lightly I began to drag my teeth up his length, increasing the pressure and sucking tightly around the head of his cock. With a pop I released him from my mouth, relishing the sight of his hard length slapping against his stomach.

'Edward, if you keep that up I'm gonna cum so quick.'

'Well, we wouldn't want that would we? I don't want you cummin until you are inside me.'

'That can certainly be arranged darling. Why don't you come here and….'

Before he could finish, my lips were once again on his. Jasper grabbed a hold of me tightly and rolled us over so I was on my back and he was resting over me.

'God, I've missed how you feel under me... the night's I've lain in bed dreaming and imaging you like this.'

Tears started to fall from his eyes. 'You are here, aren't you? I'm not dreaming this, am I? I don't think I could bare to wake up now if this isn't real'

'I'm here baby, and when you wake up in the morning, I'll still be here.'

He seemed to need the same reassurance that I did, but _please_ _God _let him still be here in the morning when I woke up.

'Sugar, I don't wanna spoil the moment but do you have any…?'

I knew what he was asking and motioned with my head towards the draw in my bedside table.

With a huge grin showing his delectable dimples, the southern drawl that I attributed to him all these years was more prominent in his voice than I had heard it all night, reached my ears. 'Now don't you dare move darlin. I want you to stay there just like that.'

Closing my eyes with a smile, I heard my bedside draw open and him rustling around trying to find what he was looking for. I hope he didn't think it was weird that the only lube I had was watermelon flavoured. I hated generic lube, that stuff tasted nasty and really limited you to what you could do with it.

With my eyes still closed, I heard Jasper sigh and the draw close. My skin started to tingle as I felt the warmth of Jaspers body returning to mine. I heard the click of the bottle of lube being opened and the wet sound of it hitting skin. Keeping my eyes closed, I prayed to god that this was really happening. My mind was still trying to accept the fact that he was here with me.

I suddenly felt the wet warmth of his lubed hand gripping my length, working me slowly. Before I was ready, his hand left me and was replaced by his mouth.

Oh fuck me, that feels good!

As his mouth and tongue teased my length, his hands made their way to my balls. Gripping them lightly, he tugged gently and I couldn't help the growl that left my chest. I had never been turned on enough to growl before. His hand moved lower, his fingers applying pressure to the skin just below my balls. I swear I could almost feel my heart in my mouth. His fingers continued to move lower until I felt them circling my entrance. As he moved his mouth down to fully envelope my length, I felt his finger slip inside. I willed my body to relax and allow him to make his way through the tight ring of muscle there. Moving his finger in and out at the same pace as he worked my cock with his mouth, my body surrendered to him. As he felt me relax, he added a second finger, curling them both and hitting that spot that would make me see stars with just a little more pressure.

Increasing the speed of his mouth over my cock, he also increased the speed at which his fingers were stretching me, preparing me for the only cock I had ever wanted inside me. In all my other relationship I had been the top, never trusting anyone else to make love to me the way I knew Jasper could.

'Jasper, I'm ready. I need to feel you now.'

Jasper withdrew his fingers and mouth from me. With my eyes still closed, I heard the sound of foil being torn and the snap of the lube being open and closed again.

Feeling the head of Jaspers cock against my entrance, I relaxed by body, awaiting the explicit pleasure that was to come.

'Edward, open your eyes. Look at me while I make love to you.'

My eyes opened to be met by the deep blue pools of Jasper's, showing nothing but love and need. Staring into his eyes, I felt him press forward. My eyes rolled back into my head as I felt myself stretching to accommodate him, relishing the exquisite burn. As the head of his cock made it's way through the tight muscle, I felt him stop, allowing my body to become used to the sensation of him inside me.

'Edward, sugar, look at me.'

With every ounce of coherency I had left, I focused my attention back to Jasper's face.

After what seemed like an eternity of him resting as he was, I moved my legs around his waist, hooking my feet around his ass and pulling him deeper into me.

We both let out whimpers as Jaspers length became fully buried inside me.

Once again he rested, allowing my body to welcome the intrusion.

'Jasper, please move. I need to feel you.'

'Damn, Edward, give me a minute. You feel so damn good that if I move now, I'm gonna cum.'

'I don't care, Jasper.'

Rocking my hips, I caused him to move within me.

'Oh shit, darlin...'

That seemed to spur him on. Withdrawing his cock till just the head was still penetrating me, he plunged back in until I felt his balls slapping against my ass. Pulling back, he made the same movement again and I felt him brush against my prostate. Leaning down, he captured my lips again in a searing kiss, also trapping my aching erection between our bodies.

As he moved slowly within me, the friction his moving body was causing against my cock was quickly brining me to the edge. I knew I wasn't going to last. I closed my eyes, silently trying to clam my body down. It wasn't working, and as Jasper sped up his movements, the pleasure rocking my body became too much. I could feel the silent tears once again coursing down my cheeks.

'Darlin, look at me,' Jasper begged. 'I can't bare to do this without looking into your eyes.'

Opening my eyes, I was confronted with Jasper moving above me, causing pockets of pleasure to erupt throughout my body. Silent tears were falling from his eyes too.

'I'm not gonna last much longer, baby,' he said in a strained voice.

'Me either, sweetheart.'

'I want you to come with me,' he sighed, leaning back down and recapturing my lips with his in a searing kiss.

As our mouths worshipped each other, our tears mingling with our kisses, he increased his speed, plunging into to the depths of me. I could feel the knot in my stomach tightening and knew I was there right on the edge. With one final deep push, Jasper pushed me over the edge. I cried out, releasing violently across both our stomachs as Jasper sobbed and I felt him releasing into the condom while inside of me.

Collapsing onto me, not caring of the sticky mess I had created between us, Jasper buried his face into my shoulder, sobbing. I buried my face into his hair, doing the same.

'I love you so fucking much, Edward. I promise I'm never letting you go again.'

I couldn't answer him just then. Instead, I relished the feel of his body over mine, his softening cock slipping from me and his arms around me holding me so close it was almost painful.

After long moments, he moved from me and went to the bathroom, returning with a warm wet wash cloth and proceeded to lovingly clean up the mess we had made. As Jasper returned to the bathroom, I assumed to clean himself, I crawled under my covers.

Jasper returned and crawled into bed beside me, pulling me to him so my back was to his chest and his face was in my neck. He pressed light kisses against my skin.

After years apart, I finally felt complete. Sighing and relaxing into his embrace, I sighed.

'I love you, Jasper.'

Feeling sleep over take me, I hoped against all hope that after a decade apart, when I woke up the morning, I would still be in Jasper's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N *Watches the tumble-weeds drifting through ffn* Anyone still with me?**

**Sorry this took so long but ADA was meant to me a one shot, the boys however wanted to carry on telling their story. I have no idea how long this will be or have any set posting schedule, other than the next update won't take so long.**

**Special thanks to dtav for pre-reading for me and for her beta skills. Thanks ladies, I wouldn't be posting anything without you.**

**A certain section of this is dedicated to a very special lady, she knows who she is and which bit I am talking about *wink***

**This chapter is essentially chapter one from Jasper's POV**

**SM own Twilight ...I just want to do rude things to Jasper. The Calling own the rights to Wherever you may go (obviously I own nothing, other than my dirty mind)**

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JPOV**

It was hard to believe that this day was finally here. Over ten years of waiting and I still couldn't believe it was going to happen. The rest of the band was excited because it was the album launch. Don't get me wrong, I'm over the moon about that too, but I have more important things on my mind. Alice really has pulled together an amazing launch party, which was no easy feat two days before Halloween, but tonight means so much more to me. It has been exactly ten years, two months, and three days since the last time I saw Edward. That night is forever etched in my memory as the best night of my life.

Over the years, I have tried so hard to put him out of my mind, live my life, and take the band as far as we could go. I have tried telling myself time and time again that I have no right to think of him anymore. The whole situation was of my making. But try as I might, Edward was always there in the back of my mind. He will always be it for me, no one can take his place. There was no one but myself to blame though. Without consulting him, I made this choice for the both of us thinking that we would both move on. The thing is though, I never could.

The day we signed with the label was unbelievable. Yeah, the contract didn't make us much money to start, but we would finally get our music out there. Meeting Alice, our A&R contact, wasn't so pleasant. The minute she walked in the room, I thought we were doomed. How on earth was this pipsqueak, who could barely be twenty-one, help us? Within ten minutes of meeting her, however, I took back every mean thought I had about her. She was tenacious and got what she wanted, which in turn would be what we needed. Apparently, she turned up at the label's offices two weeks after graduating high school looking for a job in the industry, and never left. She started off as an unpaid gofer, but within three weeks was working admin in A&R _after_ driving our manager Peter crazy. I think the fact that she introduced him to his fiance kind of sealed the deal for her getting a full time, paid position. What sealed the deal for me was the photo she had on her office wall.

I think Alice knew I wasn't too happy with her being assigned to us, so she called me in for a meeting. The minute I saw that photo, I swear my heart stopped. It had been almost ten years, but I would know those eyes anywhere. Alice saw me admiring the photo and just blurted out, "That's my brother Edward. You know, you two would be perfect together."

"Alice, in case you've forgotten, I'm a guy. I'm not one of your girlfriends."

"You trying to tell me he's not cute Jazzy, and that you don't just get lost in those eyes?"

I could feel the blush spreading over my cheeks and down my neck. "What the hell darlin? Why'd you say a thing like that?"

She just stood there wearing the most annoying grin I've ever seen. "Jazz, I grew up with a gay brother. You think I can't tell a gay man when I see one?"

"Alice, I've already had this chat with Peter. Yes, I'm gay, but the suits don't want it out there just yet. I think you setting me up with your brother would defeat that point."

She scowled at me. You know that look women get before they blow a fuse? Yeah, that was it. "Fuck the suits , Jazz. You're gay. It's not going to mean a thing to your sales. Do you have any idea how many females out there will get off on the fact that you're gay? Or, if it should come to that, the fan base we can create within the gay community? But that's all besides the point. _NEVER_ hide who you are just because someone, with no idea, thinks it's for the best."

"Wow, slow down there sweetheart. How'd we get from a family picture to my sexuality to record sales?"

"We didn't. I just think you should meet my brother. You can't deny he's cute. The look on your face when I saw you looking at that picture said it all."

"What's to say I wasn't looking at the fit blond guy in the pic?" I shot back.

I couldn't help but smile at the retching sounds she made at that comment. "Puh-leaze Jazz, that's my dad. He's _OLD. _Tell me you're joking."

I just shrugged as I wasn't going to make this any easier on her. "Does your brother know that you pimp him out?"

She just scoffed. "Edward doesn't care. He may as well be celibate for the amount of times he dates."

My heart soared at that comment, and then fell. Edward was gay but didn't date much. Why was that?

I hadn't dated much either since our summer together. No one did it for me, not like he did. I think if it hadn't been for Jared, I probably wouldn't have dated anyone at all.

Other than getting signed to a label, meeting Jared was the best thing that had happened to the band.

I knew from the minute that Embry, our old drummer, joined the band that he wouldn't work out. It wasn't anything specific at first, just a feeling I had. After the first few months, though, the homophobic jokes started coming out. In a strange way, I could deal with those. While I was tuning him and his views out, I was working harder on my music. The final straw came, though, after a gig one night. Embry had disappeared as soon as the set was done and I just had a feeling all was not well. We tracked him down to the parking lot where we found him beating on some kid for apparently 'eye fucking' him from the front of the stage. After that, we all agreed he just had to go.

That year was one of the worst I've ever had. I had been too chicken to let Edward know I wouldn't see him that summer. Then, in December of 2000, my emails and texts were returned undeliverable. Embry had pulled his homophobic shit. A part of me was torn; I was pissed at myself for the way I had treated Edward but there was also the part that was stoked about the gigs we had played.

We really thought it would take forever to replace Embry until the day Jared just turned up. He was new to the area, and didn't know anyone. He asked if he could jam with us for a while and I think we all knew within the first ten minutes that we wanted Jared in the band. After we had wrapped up for the day, we had a band meeting and agreed that if he wanted in, he was in. Deciding to be honest, I told him right off that I was gay. My hope was that he wouldn't have a problem with it. Much to every one's relief, he didn't have a problem and even managed to make a few jokes at my expense. He was going to fit in just fine. After that, the band fell into an easy routine. We worked so well together that we started writing our own songs instead of just doing covers.

By the end of 2001, we were doing really well on the club circuit. Some weeks were harder than others to get the band together for rehearsals what with us being 'grown up' now. We couldn't just live off a pipe dream, we had college or work to deal with, too. No matter what, though, when we came together on stage everything always fell into place. Jared had quickly become my best friend and was great with me when one of my Edward depressions hit. It all came to a head the following year. By some stroke of luck, Jared and I ended up sharing a dorm room at college. It's true what they say, you really don't know a person until you have lived together. The first few months rooming together were great, but then Jared started going out late and sometimes not coming back to the room at all. Every time I asked where he had been, he tried to change the subject. Things changed the day I came back from class early feeling ill. Walking into our room, I saw Jared laying on his bed getting head from a guy who roomed two doors down from us. I wasn't angry over what I saw, I was angry that after I was so open with him, he hadn't felt the same with me. We were best friends and he couldn't even tell me he was gay? After the guy had left, we had a very heated discussion ending with Jared telling me he wasn't gay, he was bi-sexual.

To say I was stunned that he hadn't told me before, me, of all people, was an understatement as I thought we were close. After I had calmed down a little, we sat and talked. Jared told me he didn't like to label himself. Like he explained, it wasn't like I had ever met a woman he had been with either. He just didn't like putting it all out there to make people feel uncomfortable. It was hard enough saying you were gay, let alone being bi-sexual.

Things seemed to settle again after our chat until the night two months later. My feeling for a while was that Jared was starting to get pissed off with my 'Edward depressions'. For some time now, I had become obsessed with a song by The Calling and became determined to learn it word for word, chord for chord. That particular night, Jared came home early and just sat on his bed as I played and sang, watching me with a pensive look. I couldn't help it, the words just spoke to me.

So lately, been wondering who will be there to take my place  
When I'm gone, you'll need love  
To light the shadows on your face  
If the great wave shall fall  
It'd fall upon as all  
And between the sand and stone  
Could you make it on your own

If I could, then I would  
I'll go wherever you will go  
Way up high or down low  
I'll go wherever you will go

And maybe, I'll find out  
The way to make it back someday  
To watch you, to guide you  
Through the darkest of your days  
If the great wave shall fall  
It'd fall upon as all  
Well I hope there's someone out there  
Who can bring me back to you

Runaway with my heart  
Runaway with my hope  
Runaway with my love

I know now, just quite how  
My life and love might still go on  
In your heart and your mind  
I'll stay with you for all of time

If I could turn back time  
I'll go wherever you will go  
If I could make you mine  
I'll go wherever you will go

As I finished the song and put my guitar down, Jared stood up and crossed the room to me. He grabbed me under my arms and forced me to stand up. Once we were face to face, he looked me in the eye and said, "Jasper, you need to stop this. Either ring Bella and get his phone number, or drop it and move on. This isn't healthy."

I knew what he was saying was the truth, but I still couldn't let go of Edward, no matter how much I tried.

"J, it's not that easy. I wish it was." I sighed as I could feel the tears already forming behind my eyes.

"Jasper, mate, this whole thing is doing you no good. You haven't even looked at another guy since _him_. You haven't even given yourself a chance to get over him."

Feeling myself getting angry, I yelled, "What the fuck do you know about it, _mate? _There has been no one else to _look_ at since him. We live in fuckin Texas, for God's sake."

I started to pace the room. Before Jared came home, I was happy in my melancholy. Now, I was pissed at him for thinking it was so easy to move on, and myself for even considering the idea. On my fourth circuit of the room, I felt Jared's arm come out and grab mine, stopping me. Before I could even ask him why he had grabbed me, his lips were on mine. It wasn't an urgent, needful kiss, it was just a kiss, sweet and tender.

My lips and my body betrayed me as I leaned into him and _I_ deepened the kiss. As my lips moved over his, I wasn't thinking of Edward, but I also wasn't thinking of Jared. For the first time in almost three years, I just let myself feel. My actions were becoming almost animalistic as I forced my tongue into his mouth and ground myself against his body. Other than my own hand, I hadn't felt another person's touch in so long. Jared's mouth moved from mine, down to my neck, kissing and nipping. His lips moved up to my ear where he whispered, "That's it, Jasper, just feel."

A large part of me knew this was wrong. Jared was my best friend but there was still that part of me, the part that hadn't been touched in so long, that needed this. My hands took on a mind of their own, moving and grasping over Jared's body. As my hands reached his ass, I couldn't help the small growl that escaped my his ass, I pulled him closer to me, grinding my erection into his. We should have stopped; we should have talked, but there were no words. Moments later, we were laying on my bed, naked. _Where the fuck did our clothes go? _ Jared was laying over me, his kisses still not urgent but filled with a tenderness that made me want to weep. Pulling back for a moment, I looked into his eyes. Considering the position we were in ,they should have been filled with love, or at least lust. His, however, were full of understanding.

"Just feel, Jasper." He sighed as his lips moved down my body. He paused over my chest, taking the time to lavish my nipples with kisses, licks, and delectable bites. As he felt my body relaxing into his ministrations, he moved lower still. As I felt his warm breath over my straining erection, I knew I was at the point of no return. He paused, looking up at me, giving me time to call a halt to this madness, I'm sure. There was no stopping this though, as I was too far gone to form a rational thought. As I looked down at him, he obviously saw the acceptance in my eyes as he smiled and moved lower. Closing my eyes, I felt his warm mouth engulf my cock. I was torn. Half my mind was thinking I was betraying Edward and the other half was willing me to give myself over and just feel.

His mouth moved slowly up and down my length, lightly sucking my swollen head as he reached the top. For the first time in years, my mind felt free, my body relaxed. I was giving myself over to pleasure and forgetting the self imposed misery that had become my life. My natural instincts took over, my hips rising and thrusting until I was almost fucking Jared's mouth. Jared increased the speed, working me faster, sucking me harder. Feeling the tension build in my stomach, my head thrashed from side to side. I was going to cum very soon but I didn't want this to end as I knew that once my release was over, I would just be Jasper again pining for something out of my reach.

Not able to hold back any longer, I came hard and fast. Jared hummed around my pulsing cock, swallowing my release. All to soon, his mouth left me and I felt the cool air of the room drafting over my spent cock. It took only seconds for me to come down from my orgasm and realise what we had just done. There was no stopping myself... I burst into tears. I was unsure of what I was crying for. Was I crying for allowing this to happen with my best friend? Was I crying because the release had been so good? Or was I crying because of some misplaced guilt that I had just betrayed Edward? _Oh God, Edward! _The tears came harder and faster, wracking my chest as they were forced from my body.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt the bed move and Jared leave. Seconds later, I felt the mattress dip, a blanket being draped over me, then Jared's strong arms envelop me in a tight hug. I don't know how long we lay there with Jared's chest against my back. He was just holding me, whispering for me to let it all out, that he would always be here for me as my friend whenever I needed _anything._

The following day, we sat and talked. It really did help getting everything off my chest, just laying it all out there for someone else to see. Over the next few years, me and Jared fooled around a bit. There was never anything serious to it, just two very close friends being there for each other. We stopped shortly after he met Kim and realised she was the one for him. We always stayed close, though, and over the years he found other ways to distract me when he saw me becoming depressed over Edward again.

All this time later and the Edward shaped hole in my chest was still as big as ever. Jared was my rock and my strength, as always. I had made a point of never mentioning to Alice that I knew Edward and I tried to stay out of her office so as not to be caught staring at her pictures of him again. Alice had called us into her office a few days ago. She was in a total panic, which was something you didn't see very often. The DJ for our album release party had pulled out and since it was so close to the date, she couldn't get anyone else.

"There's nothing for it. He's just going to have to say yes this time. I'm his baby sister for God's sake and I need him, " she all but cried out.

"Alice, honey, calm down. You're not making any sense. Who's going to have to say yes this time?" Jared calmly asked while maneuvering Alice into a chair.

"My brother, Edward. He's a DJ, but when I first asked him to do the party, he refused. I have no idea why because he never says no to me."

Oh God, oh God, oh God...Edward! If he said yes, he would be there at our party and I could see him again, maybe talk to him. Feeling sick, I had to leave the room. This was something I had wanted for years and now there was a chance I could be seeing him in a few short days. I was shit scared.

That night, Jared and Kim sat with me in my hotel room trying to keep me calm and form some kind of plan for what I would say when I saw him.

So here I am now, standing in the room our party will be held in later today, waiting for the rest of the guys to arrive so we can do a quick sound check and make sure everything is good to go. Alice was almost bouncing with excitement. I was silently searching the room, hoping to catch a glimpse of Edward. I felt Alice nudge my elbow. "There's my brother," she staged whispered to me, then proceeded to drag me across the room towards him.

"Hey, Rock DJ, I want you to meet someone," Alice called to him. I had never been so nervous in my life and I could feel my palms starting to sweat. What will he say? Will he want to talk to me? Where the hell would I start? After staying up all night talking with Jared and Kim, everything we had talked about flew right out of my head.

"Eddie, this is Jasper. You know, the lead singer of my baby, Comply or Die." Holding my breath, I waited for him to look at me and say something.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit I remembered from all those years ago. He tended to do that when he was stressed. This wasn't going to go well at all.

He extended his had to me and said, "Hi Jasper, nice to meet you. Alice has told me all about you. Sorry guys, but please excuse me. I need to make sure everything is set up for later."

With that said, he walked away, leaving me feeling worse than I could have imagined.

Alice was not at all happy with his behaviour, apologising over and over again for Edward being so rude. I wanted to stick up for him and explain that he had every right to behave the way he did. Now, I had no idea how tonight was going to go down, knowing we would be in the same room together all night and knowing now he would probably be avoiding me all night.

The party seemed to be going well. Our short set was received to great applause and people seemed to be having a good time. Everyone but me. I hated the man I had to become when there was press around. All night, I could feel myself searching out for Edward. Unfortunately, every time I managed to catch his eye he would look away quickly, like he couldn't bear the sight of me. It didn't help that all night I was being mauled by some skanky redhead. Victoria, I think she said her name was. Trying time and time again to shake her off, she was like a damn leech and would clamp onto me again. After a few hours, I really couldn't take anymore so I excused myself and went to find somewhere quiet to sit.

As I made my way through the crowds of people, everyone wanted me to stop and chat for a while. I suppose I should have, but I just didn't have anymore in me to give tonight. Finding my way out to back corridor, I was hoping I could find somewhere to hide away down here. As I turned a corner, I was accosted by what can only be described as a crazy fan. I know fans often get tickets to events such as these, but should she really have been wandering around back here? I always made a habit of being friendly to every fan we met, even if I didn't feel up to at. At the end of the day, it's the fans that keep us where we are today. Looking her over, I smiled. She was one of the few fans I recognised from previous events. Since the last time I saw her, she had added some crazy green streaks to her hair. Every time our paths crossed, she would just stand there looking at me with the same expression on her face and I never knew if she was going pass out, try and hump my leg, or piss herself. Thankfully before she had chance to do any of those things, security turned up and moved her on.

A few minutes later, I found myself sitting on the couch in the makeshift dressing room we had used earlier. My peace was soon shattered though when I heard the door open. Looking up, I knew my night was not going to be getting better any time soon. I really couldn't be bothered with hearing anything my step sister, Rosalie, had to say, but when she had something to say the best thing to do was to hear her out and get it over with.

She wasn't about to pull any punches. She just jumped straight to the point.

"For God's sake, Jasper, this is your big night. After ten years, the band's finally made it, yet you're sitting here on your own, hiding, looking like someone just killed your puppy."

"God Rosie, just leave me alone, please," I begged.

"I will not leave you alone. You're acting like a child, Jasper."

"Will you stop acting like my mother, Rosie?" I asked her seriously.

"Don't pull that shit with me, Jasper Hale Whitlock. Get your ass back out there. You've given up too much to get where you are today to be sitting here sulking."

"A, I'm not sulking and B, believe me sis, I know how much I gave up. The most important thing I gave up by far is out there and can't even bear to look at me." I dropped my head down as the pain flowed through me.

"I know, J, and you swore to me when you found out he was Alice's brother that it wouldn't be a problem."

"It wasn't, then, but I thought….." What had I thought? That he'd run right into my arms or something?

"You thought what, J? That he'd see you again after ten years and fall at your feet? You froze him out, hon, focused all your time and energy on the band and forgot about him." She stated simply.

"I NEVER FORGOT ABOUT HIM!" I screamed at her.

"Oh, really? After that second summer you were supposed to spend together, you never mentioned him again," she said.

"That's because it hurt too much, Rosie. I never forgot, though. Why do you think none of my relationships last? Because none of them even compare to him." That was the truth. No one else could compare to Edward.

She sat down on the couch next to me. It wasn't often Rose was comforting so I was surprised when she put her arm around my shoulder and pulled me in for a hug.

"Jasper, honey, this has been eating away at you for years. For the love of God, go and make him listen to you. Tell him what you need to say and if he isn't interested at least then you will know you tried and then, hopefully, you can move on."

What do you know, she was actually talking some sense. She patted my knee and stood up. "I'll give you ten minutes then I want to see you back out there." With that, she left the room. I took a few minutes to compose myself. Putting my 'game face' back on, I made my way back to the party, determined to talk to Edward. Making my way over to the decks, I saw Edward talking to his assistant. Stopping a few paces back, I allowed them to finish chatting. What I overheard made me feel sick to my stomach.

"Ty, you gonna be OK here if I bail?" The sound of his voice brought back so many memories.

"Sure, no probs E, you OK?"

"Yeah, I just want to get home and curl up on the couch with George, you know?" _Who the fuck was George? _

"Yeah, I get you man, but you do know he's probably just going to walk out when you walk in."

"Don't remind me. He's been in a foul mood with me since the operation."

"Yeah, I think I would be too. You head home and take care of George. I'm sure he just needs some love and attention. I'll be fine here; it seems to be winding down a little now, anyway."

He turned and almost walked straight into me. He looked into my eyes and I'm sure he could see the hurt in them. I was about to open my mouth to speak when he just turned and walked away. I was left standing there, probably looking like an idiot. Alice said he wasn't dating anyone, so who the hell was George? I didn't know the guy and didn't care if he was just out of the hospital, but I fucking hated him. The lucky bastard getting to spend tonight in Edward's arms, the one place I really wanted to be.

I headed over to our table as I really needed a fucking drink, a very large, very strong one. I had just sat down when Alice threw her bag onto the table. "I swear I'm going to kill my brother! The minute my back is turned, he just fucks off! Can you watch my bag a minute, Jasper? I'm going to have a chat with Ty and see what the fuck Edward thinks he's playing at." With that, she stomped away. I really wouldn't want to be in Ty's shoes right now. Glancing at the table, I noticed Alice's planner sticking out of the top of her bag. I don't know what made me do it, but I reached over and took it. I swore to myself I only wanted his phone number. Sure, he was with someone now, but if he would just listen to me, I really needed to talk to him. Like Rose said, maybe then I could move on. Flicking through the pages, I hit the jackpot. Not only did she have his phone number listed, but she also had his address written down. Without thinking, I tore the page out and stuffed it into my pocket, not caring what she would think when she saw the missing page. Alice caught me putting her planner back. Thinking on my feet, I told her I just wanted to check the upcoming tour dates. Crossing my fingers, I hoped she would buy my excuse and wouldn't notice the missing page for the next few hours. Excusing myself, I quickly made my way to the exit hoping I could get outside and hail a cab before someone stopped me.

The entire journey to Edward's, I kept going over and over in my head what I would say when I got there. What if he didn't want to talk to me? What would I do if this George fucker answered the door? The cab driver pulled me from my musings by letting me know we were there. Paying him, I jumped out of the cab and made my way to his door. Without giving myself anymore time to think, I knocked.

My heart was threatening to beat right out of my chest as I waited. Now that I was here, I was seriously losing my nerve. Then, the door opened and there he stood. _My Edward_.

He didn't look pleased to see me and started to close the door. I couldn't let that happen so I took a step forward and put my foot in the way so the door wouldn't close.

"Edward, please just talk to me. Stop pretending like you don't remember me."

"Jasper, what is there to say? We spent some time together ten years ago. We've both grown up and moved on. You've got your career now. What are you doing here? You should be at your party. It's everything you ever wanted, isn't it?"

His words cut me like a knife. It was now or never and he needed to hear my side of things. "No, Edward, it isn't everything I ever wanted. I know you've moved on, but please just give me five minutes. Is George here?"

"George is around somewhere. He's pissed at me right now so he's probably in my room pissing in my shoes. Apparently, cats do that when they're pissed."

_Oh thank fuck for that. He isn't dating anyone. George is a cat. I hated cats but right now, I loved that fluffy little fucker and I'd never even met him. _I couldn't help letting out a relieved sigh. "George is your cat?"

"Yeah, of course he is. Why?"

"Thank god. I thought he was your partner."

"How did you know about George, anyway?"

"I heard you talking to your assistant before you left. Look Edward, can I please come in and talk? Just for a minute?"

He let out a sigh, opened the door wider, and invited me inside. He offered me a drink and I asked if he had Jack Daniels. This was going better than I had hoped already, but I still felt the need for a stiff drink. He handed me a rather large drink and offered me a seat. I sat down but couldn't seem to get comfortable. After taking a drink, he got straight to the point and asked me what the hell I was doing there.

"Jasper, it's been ten years without a word and then you turn up here. Why? In fact, before you answer that, how? Who told you where I lived?"

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and looked at the floor. "I looked in Ali's organiser. I told her I wanted to check the upcoming tour dates, and found your address. Honestly, I was just looking for a phone number or email address, but when I found your address, I just had to come over here. Why did you change your email address and cell number? Did you hate me that much?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Jasper, I changed my email and cell after you left me that summer without so much as a word. For God's sake, I had to hear from your Gran that you weren't coming to see me. You never called or wrote and I realised how little I meant to you and how stupid I was for holding onto that one night for so long. It's OK, Jasper. I know now that you moved on and realised you were straight. I was just an experiment to you. You don't need to worry, if that's why you're here. I'm not gonna tell anyone you sucked me off when you were sixteen. Your secret's safe with me. Ali would have my balls for earrings in a second if I dared say anything bad that ruined your image."

What the fuck! He couldn't honestly think that, could he? You don't just decide you're straight or gay. If only it were that easy.

"Straight? What on earth makes you think I _**decided**_ I was straight? You were, no you _are,_ more than an experiment to me, Edward. I'm gay and you know that. Always have been and always will be."

"You could have fooled me, Jasper. I've lost count of the number of women you've dated over the last six months."

"Oh God!" I cried. "Please tell me you aren't stupid enough to believe everything you read in the press! Yes, I've been pictured with lots of women, but that's the record company's doing, not mine. They thought it was better for the band's image if I came over as straight, at least until we got a sound fan base and started actually selling records. The only person at the label who doesn't seem to give a shit is Alice. She's pissed that I listened to the suits and didn't come out in our first press release." This wasn't going at all how I wanted it to.

"Don't fucking call me stupid! OK, so because the record company says, you're building a fan base based on lies. So you're actually gay. What the fuck does that have to do with me? It's been ten years, Jasper." He stood up and stormed into the kitchen. I heard him open the fridge and pull out some bottles. I felt a wetness on my cheek. Great, like the stupid fucker I am, I now sat here crying. He marched back into the front room holding two beers. He slammed one down in front of me and moved quickly away from me.

"What the fuck are you crying for, Jasper? You got everything you wanted but you're sitting here, on the biggest night of your life, crying on my couch."

"Edward, the biggest night of my life was the night you let me kiss you. Nothing ever comes close to that night…." He opened his mouth to speak, but I couldn't let him. Now that I had started, I needed to get this out in the open before I started choking on these goddamn tears.

"No, please Edward, let me finish. I've waited almost ten years to say this. I need to get it out without you interrupting me and you need to damn well listen. After I'm done, if you still feel the same, I'll leave and never bother you again."

He let out a breath and sat down, gesturing with his arm that I was free to speak. Leaning forward, he picked up his cigarette packet, took a smoke and lit it, then he threw the pack at me. I really should quit smoking. Hell, I shouldn't even be drinking, but I welcomed the few seconds distraction to gather my thoughts. I inhaled sharply, feeling the nicotine burn the back of my throat, and exhaled. The chair was really fucking uncomfortable, so I stood and started pacing the floor. OK, time to start talking.

"First off Edward, I tried telling you so many times that I wouldn't make it out that summer, but the words wouldn't come. The longer I left it, the harder it got. By the time I plucked up the courage, it was already too late and you were on the plane out to Jacksonville. That summer was the worst of my life. Our drummer at the time, Embry, was a bigoted idiot. There was nothing he hated more than homosexuals, and boy did he let us all know it. The rest of the band knew I was gay, but how could they not? I never stopped talking about you. But, for the sake of the band, I kept it quiet around Embry. We had auditioned so many people and he really was the best we could find. We thought we needed him. After one gig, he'd disappeared. We found him outside kicking the shit out of some kid wearing an 'Out and Proud' badge." I stopped my pacing and put out my cigarette.

"We had an emergency band meeting afterwards and decided he had to go. We found our current drummer, Jared, a few days later. It was fate that we met him. Not only did we need a drummer badly, but I needed someone that understood me and what I was going through. We became best friends. Hell, I was even best man when he got married to his wife Kim last year. He spent months listening to me wallowing over you, and how it had taken me so long to pluck up the courage to contact you again and then get no reply. I suppose this was around the time you had changed your contact details. Jared took me out and told me straight to either suck it up and track you down, tell you how I felt, or put you to the back of my mind and concentrate on the band. As much as I hated myself for doing it, I concentrated on the band. Jared is the best friend I've ever had. Yes, before he met his wife, we fooled around. Jared is Bi but was always so sure of himself and he really helped me to understand myself and what I wanted out of life."

"Jasper, I really don't want to sit here and listen to your conquests." He picked up his cigarette packet and lit up another one.

"That's not what I'm doing. I'm trying to explain how I got to be here now, and how I finally got the courage to stand in front of you and say this. Do you have any idea how fucking hard this is? When I couldn't reach you, it broke me. I know I had no right to talk to you after not turning up that summer, but when I went to visit Gran over Christmas break, the first thing I did was head over to see Bella. After she hit me and yelled at me for hours, she told me to leave you be and move on." Bella may have been a hell of a lot shorter than me, and she had to jump to reach my face, but boy could she pack a punch. After that encounter, I was sporting a black eye for almost two weeks.

"It hurt, but I understood where she was coming from. We had just turned seventeen. You were in Washington State and I was in Texas. Other than a few weeks a year, we would still have been in the same predicament. Bella and I stayed in touch for a while and she told me how you were spending the following summer in Europe with your boyfriend, Mike, and his parents. That was the summer my Gran passed. I spent two weeks sitting in my room at my Gran's, thinking of you and mourning... both the loss of my Gran and the loss of you. For the next few years, I pushed myself and the band hard. While we were working, I wasn't thinking of you, but you were never far from my mind."

I took my wallet out of my pocket and threw it at him, telling him to open it. For years, I had carried a photo of us together taken that summer by Bella. In the photo, he had his arm around my shoulder and we were both grinning at the camera like idiots. God, I loved that photo. He seemed shocked when he saw it, but didn't say anything. He closed the wallet and placed it on the table.

"You have every right to hate me and throw me out, but believe me when I say I will never forgive myself for the way I behaved. You've already given me more than I deserved by letting me into your home and letting me talk to you."

At that moment, a ginger ball of fluff made its way into the room. Ah, this must be George. He came towards me and he started weaving himself around my legs so I sat down before he tripped me over. The next thing I knew, the fluffy fucker was in my lap making himself comfortable. I looked down and noticed that his fur was sticking up in all directions. His fur couldn't seem to decide if it was ginger or blond. I couldn't help but smile. "Only you would have a cat that takes style tips from you. Is his fur naturally this messy?"

He laughed. God how I missed that sound. "Yeah, that's why I brought him home from the pound. As soon as I saw him, I knew he was meant to be my cat. We normally get along well but he's pissed at me because I had him neutered last week."

At that comment, George looked up and hissed at Edward and I really couldn't blame him. After all, he had just had his manhood removed. Any man in his right mind would be pissed. As I was sitting there stroking the damn cat that seemed far to comfortable in my lap, I noticed the furrow on Edward's brow. He was obviously thinking hard about something. "What are you thinking, Edward? I can see the wheels turning over there." I had to admit to myself that I was petrified to know what he was thinking, but I needed to hear whatever it was, good or bad. Please God, let it be good.

"Honestly? I was thinking if I could believe a word you say. If I do, could I cope with being your secret until the record company decides it's safe for you to come out? Then there's the fact that you would be away an awful lot on tour. How would it be any different to how it would have been back then?"

Damn it! I stood up quickly, forgetting for a moment that I had a cat in my lap. "For fucks sake Edward, please believe me! You are all I ever, all I will always, want! Fuck the record company! Yeah, the band may be pissed at me, but if you will just give me another chance, I'll get Ali to call a press conference tomorrow. I'll tell them all I'm gay and in love. So long as I can have you, I will always have exactly what I need to live my life happily."

I crouched down on the floor in front of him and put my hands on his knees. "Edward, please look at me."

He looked at me and I was silently willing him to see the truth of what I was saying. "Edward Anthony Cullen, I love you. I have loved you since I was sixteen years old. Please believe me. I know I don't deserve it, but please give me another chance to prove what you mean to me."

I moved onto my knees. This was it. I wasn't beyond begging if I needed to. I would stay here on my knees in front of him, begging, until he believed me. "This is me, Jasper Whitlock, on my knees begging you to let me love you."

Looking at his beautiful face, I could see he was crying. I really didn't mean to make him cry... it was heartbreaking to watch.

He looked into my eyes and nodded. "OK."

My heart was soaring. At that one simple word, my world righted itself again and I felt whole for the first time In ten years. Reaching up, I brought my hand to his face. Using my thumb, I brushed away his tears as they were killing me. Another sob escaped his lips and he shuddered. Watching him crying, I could feel my own tears forming behind my eyes.

"Please don't cry, sweetheart. I'm hanging on by a thread here myself, and if you don't stop I'm gonna start then we're both gonna end up a sobbing mess."

Using his hands, he tired to brush away his tears. I raised myself up until our faces were level and leaned towards him. He closed his eyes and let out a breath. I couldn't help myself... I needed to soothe his tears away so I placed a kiss on each of his closed eyelids. "Sshh... I'm here now and I promise I'm not going anywhere. Please stop crying, you're breaking my heart."

He leaned forward, capturing my lips in his. O_h fuck me. My Edward was kissing me again._ After a moment's hesitation, my lips responded to his. If I died tomorrow, I would die a happy man. I intended to savour every moment of the taste and feel of his mouth moving with mine. I hated to admit it, but my knees were starting to ache and I couldn't stay kneeling like this much longer. Without breaking our kiss, I rose up until I was leaning over him and fuck me if he didn't just grip me behind my thighs and pull me forward until I was straddling him on the couch. In all my years of imagining what it would be like if we were ever together again, it had never been like this. We were sharing the sweetest, most sensual kisses I had ever experienced. My lips and body were on fire for this beautiful man that I know I don't deserve.

Edward's hands moved into my hair. With a slight tug, he pulled me closer to him, deepening the kiss and massaging my tongue with his. I was relearning the feel and and the taste of him. One of us moaned, I couldn't tell you who and I didn't care. All that mattered to me at that moment was that I was kissing Edward again, that I could feel his body beneath me, and taste him on my lips.

Edward moved his hands from my hair and brought them to my chest. For a moment, I feared he was going to push me away and make me leave. My heart faltered as I felt him pushing my shirt from my shoulders. O_h, hell yeah. If Edward wants the shirt gone, it's gone._ Without removing my lips from his, I shrugged out of my shirt. The next moment, his hands were at the hem of my vest. He roughly pulled it up, forcing our lips apart as he pulled it over my head.

I sat there in his lap, topless, watching as his eyes roamed over my body. I was feeling slightly exposed and it really didn't seem fair that he was still sitting there very over dressed, in my opinion. I reached for the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it straight over his head and I couldn't help but grin at his slightly shocked expression. Winking, I said, "Fair's fair Edward."

Rocking my hips, I could feel the growing hardness in both our pants. Deep down, I knew this was a bad idea. I hadn't come here to have sex, I came because we needed to talk. We had ten years of bullshit, heartache and miscommunication to deal with first. As much as I needed him and wanted him, we shouldn't be doing this. I was preparing myself to stop when I felt him grab ahold of my thighs and stand up. Instinctively, I wrapped my legs around him and as he carried me to his bedroom, all rational thought left me.

As he lowered me onto his bed, his lips left mine, travelling in a blazing trail over my jaw and down my neck. I decided we could talk later as I was scared that if I put a stop to this now, I would never be in this position again. In that moment, I decided to let Edward have whatever he wanted. We would take this as far as he wanted. Laying there beneath him on his bed, I silently willed him not to stop.

As Edward continued his assault on my neck, I could no longer lay still. As he gently bit down on my ear lobe, I thrust my hips upwards hoping to meet his, but he was purposely keeping his just out of my reach. After a few moments of my hips seeking his, he pushed me back down into the mattress. As his hands made their way to my belt, he dipped his tongue into my belly button. Who would have thought something like that would be so hot. After removing my jeans, he started kissing and licking his way from my ankle up my leg. As he reached my now leaking cock, the bastard moved back down and started the same movements up my other leg. Would this slow torture never end?

Finally, fucking finally, he buried his nose in my crotch. Taking a deep breath, I felt his tongue sweep over my balls and he pulled one into his mouth. Gripping the sheets, I couldn't help making some comment about Edward's mouth being illegal. Edward made some comment to which I replied something about liking cocky Edward. I really wasn't thinking what I was saying until he replied.

"Let me just finish here and I'll show you just how cocky I am."

Even after all these years, I could tell he was blushing at what he had just said. It also brought up the question of who would top and who would bottom. Deciding not to ask that question just now, I chose to wait and see how things went. I was happy either way. I was mainly a top, but I had bottomed before and I wanted to give every part of myself to Edward tonight. We may never be in this position again and I wasn't about to waste it asking questions.

While this thought was playing through my mind, Edward's mouth descended on me and he enveloped my length in his mouth. Hot, sweet heaven. I've had a few blow jobs in my time, but none like this. When he took me all the way to the back of his throat and swallowed, I swear I could have died. Slowly easing his way back up, he hummed around me and I knew I wouldn't last much longer if he carried on. I'm sure he was trying to kill me with this slow torture, and I never wanted it to end, but I had to let him know I couldn't take much more. Then he said the words, "I don't want you cumming until you're inside me." Well, that answered that question.

He moved in quickly to kiss me again, but now that he had given the green light to taking this all the way, it was my time to take control. Grabbing hold of him tightly, I rolled us over until he was beneath me. Although it had only happened once, I really did miss the feeling of him under me and I had to tell him that. He needed to know how much I had wanted this moment to happen for so long. My Edward started to cry again, murmuring his thoughts about me not really being here. I knew how he felt. It was like a dream to me too, but I could feel his breath on my neck and his hard length pulsing against my stomach. After murmuring my reassurance, he started to move beneath me, grinding himself into me. This, this is what I had needed to feel for ten years. I really didn't want to ruin the moment but if we didn't find a condom and some lube soon, it was going to get uncomfortable. Edward motioned to his bedside drawer, and I thanked God that the boy was prepared. _Damn, he was prepared. I do not want to know about that. They certainly weren't there for me!_

Pulling the bottle of lube from the drawer, I couldn't help but notice it was flavored and my favorite at that. As I snapped open the lid and poured a small amount onto my hand, I noticed Edward's eyes were tightly closed and he looked kind of tense. Leaning over him, I let my breath fan his face. His lips were so swollen from our kissing, and I so wanted to nibble on his plump bottom lip again, but he had a more attractive swollen body part I needed to feel more. Working his cock with my slick hand a few times, I quickly moved down and took him into my mouth. As I steadily worked his straining, pulsing length, I moved my hand to his balls, tugging them gently as I didn't want him cumming too soon_. Fuck me! The growl he released almost had me cumming, hands free. _Continuing to work him slowly, worshiping every inch, I felt him calming slightly and moved my hand to the small section of skin behind his balls, applying slight pressure.

He was starting to thrust slowly into my eager mouth. I moved my fingers lower, lightly circling his entrance, the promised land. Taking him deeper into my mouth, I relaxed as he hit the back of my throat once again. Feeling Edward relax, I gently let my finger slip inside him. Edward let out a low moan, the same sound I had heard over ten years ago. As I worked my finger within him, I felt his inner muscles starting to relax. Adding a second finger, I curled them to hit his sweet spot knowing full well how good that felt. All the while I was preparing him for me, I was aware of my own neglected arousal throbbing between my legs and leaking pre cum down my thigh. I needed to be inside him soon, so I increased the speed of my fingers and mouth, hoping he would get there soon. Then, he gasped the sweetest words I would ever hear.

"Jasper, I'm ready. I need you now."

I withdrew my fingers and mouth from him and reached for the condom. He still had his eyes tightly shut. I poured more lube over my aching cock as I wanted this to be as comfortable for him as possible. For some reason, I had a feeling he didn't bottom often. While I positioned myself to penetrate him, I couldn't do it while his eyes were closed. I needed him to look at me, to see how much this meant to me. "Edward, open your eyes. Look at me while I make love to you."

As he looked up at me with such deep devotion, I pressed forward, breaching his defenses, both physically and mentally. Once I was deep within him, I needed to take a moment. Edward's eyes were once again not looking at me. I told him once again that he needed to look at me. As he looked into my eyes, I couldn't help but rest where I was, drinking in the sight of him before me, filled by me. Edward's legs moved around my waist, hooking me and pulling me deeper within him. Again, I needed to rest. I was on the edge already.

After moments, minutes, hours, Edward begged me to move. When I didn't, he rocked his hips causing me to move within him. _Ah fuck me...so good! _I started to move in a steady rhythm. It felt so good, so natural, like this was the only place I was meant to be. His swollen lower lip was still calling to me so I dipped my head down and took his lips between mine again, trapping his erection between us. Still moving within him at a steady pace, I was now creating a friction between us that he seemed to enjoy. Then I saw the silent tears escaping his closed eyes.

I couldn't bear to see him cry, not over me. I am a selfish bastard, and I also couldn't do this while he wasn't looking at me as I needed the reassurance in his eyes to tell me this was OK. Begging him to look at me again, I could feel my own tears falling. I wasn't going to last much longer and needed to let him know. The emotion was killing me and yet I had never felt higher. Telling him I needed him to cum with me, I once again enveloped his lips with mine. As our mouths worshipped each other, I increased the speed of my thrusts within him. Feeling like I would never be deep enough, with one final thrust I felt Edward release all over our stomachs. With a gut wrenching sob, I came deep within him. I collapsed onto him, burying my face into his neck, and I sobbed. "I love you so fucking much, Edward. I promise I'm never letting you go again."

After a few moments' rest, I released him from my arms and went to his bathroom to fetch something to clean us both up. Once the mess was dealt with, I pulled back the covers and crawled into bed with Edward, wrapping him in my arms.

He relaxed into me and sighed. "I love you, Jasper."

I loved him too, but the words got stuck in my throat. Moments later, I heard Edward's light snores and then fell into an uneasy sleep myself.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Anyone still with me? Wouldn't blame you if you weren't. I can't apologise enough for how long this update took but RL has really not been kind to me recently.**

**I really need to thank OCDJen and Mrs Agett for all of there support recently. I wouldn't have got through this past few months with out you ladies. Thanks for caring.**

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, you have no idea how much they make me smile, I think I replied to you all, sorry if I missed you.**

**As always special thanks to dtav for pre reading and Mrs Agett for her beta skills.**

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Waking the next day, I felt the early morning sunlight shining through the blinds warming my face. As I stretched out my body, I felt the delicious burn in my muscles, muscles that hadn't been worked so well in years. With what I hoped was a seductive grin, I turned my body to face Jasper.

I was greeted with an empty side of the bed. It had obviously been slept in, but had long since grown cold. Feeling the tears threatening to fall, I willed my emotions away. There would be time for tears and anger later. Right now, I needed a smoke and then a shower. Although he had left, once again without a word, this time I wanted to relish his scent on me before I washed it away, even if it was to punish myself for a few extra moments for being so stupid to let him into my life again.

I made my way into the lounge and surveyed the mess left behind from last night: an over flowing ashtray, empty beer bottles scattered over my coffee table, and my discarded shirt in a pile on the floor. I would deal with the bottles first.

Wanting to get cleaned up quickly so I could spend the rest of the day wallowing in self pity and raging in anger, I loaded my arms up with the bottles, hoping I didn't drop one. The last thing I needed today was to be dealing with broken glass. Wasn't dealing with a broken heart enough?

My kitchen was a half open plan with a breakfast bar giving a view into the lounge and dining area. As I was about to place the bottles on the breakfast bar, Jasper's head popped up, scaring the living shit out of me.

"What the fuck, Jasper?"

"I could ask you the same thing, mister. Why aren't you still in bed? You're supposed to wake up to me serving you breakfast."

Letting out a breath, I tried to hold in the hurt I was feeling a moment ago, knowing now there was nothing to be angry about. He hadn't left me again after all; he was just going to surprise me with breakfast in bed. I felt slightly guilty for jumping to that conclusion straight away, but how could I not with our history? We really did have a lot to talk about before we went any further.

The mock pout that had been gracing Jasper's lips slipped away as he saw the look on my face. "Babe, what's wrong? You're kinda scaring me here."

Damnit, damnit, damnit!

I made my way into the kitchen and gathered Jasper in my arms. His arms wound around me, holding me to him in a death grip. "Edward, babe, seriously, what's got you so spooked this morning?" I could feel Jasper trembling in my arms.

"Jasper," I sighed, "I'm sorry. I woke up and you weren't there. I just thought..."

Before I could finish, Jasper had pushed me against the counter. Looking me in the eyes, he said, "You thought I'd left again, didn't you?"

All I could do was nod at him, feeling like an ass for doubting him so soon after everything he had said last night. Taking my face between his hands, his lips lightly brushed mine in a delicate kiss. "I'm sorry babe. I should have realized what you would think if you woke up without me. I wanted to make you breakfast, you know, treat you right."

Well, didn't I feel like an even bigger ass now. I keep saying to myself we need to talk before we do anything else, but right now I just needed him and a certain part of my anatomy was letting that be known. Jasper could obviously feel my need pressed against his thigh. With a seductive grin that I just knew would get me every time, Jasper ripped down my pajama pants and dropped to his knees in front of me.

"Jasper, what the fuck are you doing?" I managed to rasp out as his tongue snaked out of his mouth and licked its way up my cock, swirling around the head before engulfing me in his hot, sweet mouth.

At the precise moment I hit the back of his throat, my front door crashed open.

"Edward Anthony Cullen! Just who the fuck do you think you are? Do you treat all your other paying jobs with such disrespect?"

Oh, kill me now, please.

Jasper released me from his mouth and gave me a sheepish grin. I took a deep breath to calm myself and turned around to face the wrath of Alice.

Before I could even open my mouth to speak, Alice started ranting again.

"Jasper Hale Whitlock, get your lazy ass from behind that counter! Don't think you're not in trouble too!"

Damn, Alice had Jasper whipped. No sooner had the words left her mouth, he stood up at my side looking like a kid who had just been caught kicking the family cat.

"Alice, not that I'm not thrilled to see you, but why are you here? And, more importantly, how the fuck did you know Jasper was here?" I managed to get out before she could start ranting again.

"So eloquent, brother dearest", she sneered at me. "I suggest you pull up your pants, Edward, and both of you come sit on the couch."

I have no idea how she did it, but my sweet dear sister always had a way of just knowing shit. I'd say she was physic but psychotic was more like it. Jasper shuffled out of the kitchen, me close on his heels, and we both sat on the couch, ready to be chewed out by Alice.

Before either of us could speak, Alice held her finger up to stop us both and pulled out her phone. She stood, tapping her foot as she waited for the call to connect, glaring at the both of us. Damn! She looked just like mom when she did that shit.

The call obviously connected because I heard a shrill voice through the phone shriek, "Alice, please tell me you found him and he's safe!"

"Calm down Rosie, Jasper's safe and exactly where I said he would be. Don't worry about it, I'm dealing with them both right now."

She hung up the phone and continued to glare at us. I'm sure to someone looking in on the sight, it would have been funny. Two grown men sat on the couch looking shit scared over getting told off by a woman as small as Alice. Believe me, there was nothing funny about this situation. In fact, I was starting to get a little pissed off. This is my home, my life, and she has no right just barging in here shouting. Jasper is no fucking help at all; I swear he's gonna burst into tears in a moment.

"Alice, I'll ask you again, how the fuck did you know Jasper was here? Jasper said you didn't know about us. did his sister tell you?" I seethed.

With a wicked gleam in her eyes, Alice walked over to my bookshelf and took down the framed photo I had of me and her as kids. Well fuck me, the sneaky little cow. She opened up the back of the frame and pulled out the only photo I have of Jasper and myself that I have had hidden away in there for the best part of a decade.

"You know I've always hated this picture of us, Edward," she grinned at me. "So, that summer you went to Europe, I decided to change it and found this little snapshot hidden away there. At first I thought you were hiding it because you didn't want mom and dad to know you were gay. Then you came out, so I knew it wasn't that. I just figured you would tell me about him when you were ready."

At that, Jasper shot out of his seat, his face looking like thunder. "What the fuck Ali! All this fucking time and you knew? All those times you caught me looking at the photos in your office, all the snide little comments about me and Edward being a good match for each other. I can't believe you fucking knew and didn't say anything!" he raged.

"Don't fucking yell at me, Jazz, neither of you said anything either. I have been waiting for freaking months, hoping to God that what ever the fuck it was that happened between you two didn't blow up in my face!"

Jasper's shoulders sagged almost in defeat. "Edward, do you mind if I go take a shower? I really can't deal with this right now," he sighed.

I just nodded at him. I was still too angry to speak. Everything last night and this morning, after our little misunderstanding, had been perfect and now this. Would nothing ever be easy for us? Ignoring Alice, I decided to continue cleaning my lounge as I really hated things being a mess. Call me anal if you like but everything had a place and I liked things just right. Picking up the empty glasses and the ashtray, I made my way into the kitchen, Alice quick on my heels.

"You know, Edward, a goodbye last night would have been nice. I would have understood, you know."

Running my fingers through my hair, I sighed. "No Alice, somehow I don't think you would have. When I left last night, I was running away. I couldn't stand to spend one more minute in a room with Jasper. You really wouldn't understand, hell I didn't even fully understand what I was doing. All I knew is that I needed to get out of there, come home, and get wasted."

"Looks like you gave getting wasted a good shot; how much did you drink last night? You must feel like shit this morning," she giggled.

"I didn't drink all this by myself. I had maybe three beers and a couple of shots, same as Jasper," I replied.

Alice opened her mouth to say something but then closed it again. She had a look on her face like something was troubling her. "Alice, whats wrong?"

She just shook her head, turned, and went back into the lounge. Growing up with Alice, I was used to her weird moods but it was very unlike Alice to not say what was on her mind. From the day she learned how to talk she had hardly shut up; she dosen't know how to keep a thought in her head. I'm sure that's why mom had kept Advil in her purse for the last twenty odd years. So, for her not to voice what she was thinking now was strange and had me feeling on edge.

What a strange morning this was turning out to be.

Deciding to leave Alice be, I washed and dried the glasses from last night and cleared away the mess Jasper had made trying to make me breakfast. Thankfully, he hadn't actually started cooking. If we could just get rid of Alice, I could join Jasper in the shower to finish what we started earlier then take him to my favorite diner for brunch.

Hearing my bedroom door open, that fantasy was put to bed. Hopefully there would be many more mornings together were I could join him in the shower. Entering my lounge, I was confronted with Jasper and Alice stood toe to toe having a silent conversation. It would have been a funny sight given their height difference if it hadn't been for the looks on their faces. Alice looked like a mom scolding her child and Jasper looked like he was pleading with her for something.

I stood watching their silent stare down with a sense of dread building in the pit of my stomach. Eventually Alice shrugged her shoulders and took a step back, almost saying without speaking "On your own head be it". Before I could comment on the scene I had just witnessed, my front door crashed open again followed by the unmistakable bellow of my cousin Emmett. "Hey ass fucker, you cooking me breakfast?"

Fisting my hands in my hair, I loudly asked, "Does nobody know how to knock on a door and wait to be invited in anymore?"

As usual with my family, I was completely ignored. Emmett pulled Alice in for a bone crushing hug, lifting her off the ground. As he spun her around, he noticed Jasper stood looking uncomfortable. Em placed Alice back on the ground and held his hand out for Jasper to shake. "Alright man, no need to ask who you are. Can't pick up a paper this morning without seeing your face. I'm Emmett, Alice and Eddie's cousin."

Jasper, still looking uncomfortable, shook his hand and said, "Hi."

Dropping Jasper's hand, Em made his way into the kitchen and stated to rummage through my cupboards and fridge. That guy is always on the look out for food. Alice, Jasper, and I were left looking at each other, waiting for one of us to break the silence.

Said silence was broken seconds later by Emmett's return, bottle of juice and cereal bar in hand. His eyes roamed over the three of us before he coughed, looked at me with a raised eyebrow, and said, "So Edward, how long you been fucking Jasper?"

Alice smiled and shook her head at Emmett's bluntness; Jasper seemed to shrink back into himself while I stared at Emmett, shocked he could be so perceptive. Time for some damage control. Emmett had a big mouth and no filter; the boy was just like Alice. He had no idea how to keep a thought in his head.

"What the hell makes you think I'm sleeping with Jasper?" I asked, thinking _When the fuck did Emmett get so perceptive?_

"Well Eddie boy, Jasper here isn't Ali's type, so why else would he be stood in your lounge at the ass crack of dawn fresh from the shower?"

"Just because he used my shower doesn't mean I slept with him," I snapped back at him.

I stood facing Em, staring him down, daring him to say something else. I was shocked to feel a hand on my back. Jasper reached down and took my hand in his before bringing our joined hands to his lips and placing a kiss on the back of my hand. Looking Emmett straight in the eye, he stated, "Emmett, I am not nor have I ever fucked Edward. I have, however, been in love with him for the last ten years and yes, I spent the night with Edward but I can assure you there was no fucking as you put it. However, there was some pretty amazing love making."

Placing a kiss on my cheek, he whispered in my ear that he would leave me to talk to Emmett and Alice while he finished getting ready.

To say I was shocked by Jasper's words would be an understatement. For him to so openly admit everything to Emmett was a shock. For all Jasper knew, Em could run straight to the media and tell everything.

Feeling Emmett's huge hand clasping my shoulder shook me from my daze. "Dude, bedding a celebrity, hot." Em laughed then made his way back to my kitchen on the hunt for more food.

This was beyond ridiculous now. I needed a shower, I needed breakfast, I needed to talk to Jasper, and I needed my home to not be full of uninvited family. "Look, guys, I love you, I really do but could you both just leave? Jasper and I have a lot to talk about."

Alice just shook her head. "No Edward, I need to get Jazz to the studio by ten for a photo shoot."

Without saying another word, I went to my room to get showered and dressed and hopefully spend a few uninterrupted minutes with Jasper before Alice took him off to work.

Entering my room, I saw Jasper sat on the end of my bed with his head in his hands. Placing a hand on his shoulder, I asked, "Everything OK, Jasper?"

Letting out a stuttering sigh, he replied, "Yeah I'm good, just feeling a little off."

Feeling the anger I felt this morning starting to resurface, I took a step back. "Look Jasper, If you're having second thoughts about last night, just tell me now and walk away."

Within seconds, Jasper was stood in front of me, enveloping me in his arms. "Please babe, don't think for one minute that last night was anything but the best night of my life. I just wasn't ready to deal with 'people' yet."

Returning his hug, I let out the breath I had been holding, gave him a chaste kiss, and told him he needed to get a move on as Alice needed to get him someplace by ten AM.

"I'm almost ready to go, love. Why don't you go grab a quick shower, get ready, and come with me? I don't think I'm ready to let you leave my side yet."

With a huge smile plastered on my face, I almost fucking skipped to the shower.

Alice had a car waiting for us. The drive to the studio was tense, to say the least. Alice was barely speaking to Jasper, he seemed extremely tense about something, and for some fucking reason Emmett had come along for the ride and just wouldn't shut the fuck up about all the rock chick pussy he could tap now his 'favourite' cousin was shagging a rock star.

Things didn't get any better when we reached the studio. No sooner where we through the door than Jasper was accosted by a very angry, very beautiful blond. By the look on her face, I took a mental note to never piss her off.

Emmett, being the idiot he is, tried to step in. Moving to stand between Jasper and the irate blond, he said, " Look, sweetheart, we all know Jasper is hot and shit but you just can't go throwing yourself at guys like that. Plus, I don't really think you're his type."

None of us saw it coming, least of all Emmett, but with a resounding crack, she sapped him and snarled, "I'm his fucking sister, moron."

I couldn't see him as he was still stood behind Emmett, but I heard Jasper fucking giggle. This only seemed to enrage the blond further.

She screamed, "I don't know what the fuck you're giggling at Jasper, I was a fucking wreck last night! Would it have hurt to tell me where you were, a quick text to let me know you were safe?"

She paused to take a breath and shuddered. "God Jazz, you know how worried I get after what happened, I thought..."

Stepping from behind Emmett, he moved forward and quickly pulled her in for a hug.

"Don't Rosie. I'm sorry I didn't let you know I was safe, I didn't even think. I'm sorry, don't be angry, please, today's a good day," he smiled.

Turning her around to face me, he gave me a small smile. "Rosie, this is Edward. Edward, this is my sister Rosalie"

Now wearing a huge knowing grin on her face, she stepped away from Jasper and pulled me into a hug "It's nice to finally meet you, Edward". I felt a little awkward hugging a complete stranger, even if she was Jasper's sister. I returned her hug anyway and said it was nice to meet her too, which it was. She obviously cared for Jasper deeply, but having already heard her last night arguing with Jasper and then having the nerve a few minutes ago to slap someone as huge as Emmett, she scared the shit out of me.

We were soon joined by Jasper's band mates who seemed like a really nice bunch. Jared, however, seemed to be as weary of me as I was of him. I knew why I felt that way towards him; he was, after all, a very important person in Jasper's life and although now he was married, he had at points in the past been intimate with my Jasper. But why he was looking at me the way he was, I had no idea.

All the emotions flying around the room where exhausting. I was on cloud nine to be with Jasper again but the looks from Jared, the quietness from Alice, and the strange overall reaction from Jasper's sister were confusing.

While the photographer was setting up his equipment, I managed to pull Jasper aside for five minutes. I really needed some answers as to what was going off with everyone.

Explaining what I was thinking to Jasper wasn't easy to express; he sighed and his shoulders sagged. Telling Alice we would be back in a few minutes, he took my hand and led me outside. After offering me one and lighting both our cigarettes, he took a deep breath and explained what he thought Alice's problem was.

"Alice thinks I make very poor choices when I've been drinking. I think she's unsure of how to feel about what happened with us last night because she knows I had been drinking. She's scared that you may get hurt again. I can understand why she's being like she is, I have done some really stupid stuff when I've had a drink. About six months ago, she had to bail me out of a DUI. That said, she has nothing to worry about. Everything I said was the honest truth. I love you and hope that we can move forward and put the past behind us".

"OK," I said. "That explains Alice. I'll sit down with her later and have a chat, put her mind at rest. What is Jared's problem with me though?"

"Ah, Jared. That's even easier to answer; he's been hearing about you for the past ten years, he knows how I feel, and has honestly seen me in some right states over you. He's the one that has always been there to pick up the pieces when I've fell apart. Like Alice feels about you getting hurt, Jared doesn't want to see me hurt . He will be fine once he gets to know you and I tell him everything is OK".

Before I could ask him about Rosalie's reaction, he was called back inside to get the photo shoot underway. While Jasper was being preened by the stylist, I sat down on one of the couches, running everything from last night and this morning through my head. Feeling the couch dip as someone took the seat next to me, I turned to see Rosalie sat next to me.

"So you're the famous Edward," she said with a smile. "Look, I know my brother can be really stupid at times but he sure does love you. I don't know what all went on last night, but I hope the two of you can work through this. I just want to see him happy again. See that smile he's wearing right now? I've not seen that in a long time and it's all thanks to you."

"Thanks Rosalie. We have a lot to talk about and it might not be as easy as we would like it to be, but I love your brother too. He's always been it for me. I know that sounds stupid as we were so young when we met and haven't had any contact in a long time, but it's true. There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about him and as much as I tried telling myself I hated him, I always knew I didn't. I want us to be honest with each other and work through this. I don't think I could cope if I lost him a second time."

Resting her hand on my knee and giving it a squeeze, she said, "I'm glad to hear that, Edward. I really hope you're everything he says you are and that he's still everything you hope he is. Ten years is a long time; you aren't kids anymore, you're both adults now. Just try to remember that when you're working through this, OK?"

I thanked her for her words but I still wanted to know about her reaction earlier. I just hoped she would be honest and tell me.

"I have to ask, your reaction earlier was a little extreme. As you said, Jasper's all grown up now, so why were you so worried?"

The smile she had been wearing fell from her face. "Well, I don't suppose you have had much time to catch up on each other's pasts, have you? Jasper may only be my step brother, but he means the world to me. About five years ago, at a family party, we had a falling out and he just walked out. He wouldn't answer his phone and no one knew where he was. I finally tracked him down after three days. He was in the hospital a few towns went out, got smashed, and picked the wrong person to hit on. I almost didn't recognise him when I walked into his hospital room. So as you can imagine, when he goes AWOL, I freak out. Ever since then, he has called or text me every night before bed to let me know he's OK. When I didn't hear from him last night, I freaked. I thought he may have been with you, but, I don't know you or how you were going to treat him."

Jasper wasn't lying earlier when he said he made poor choices when he drinks!

"Thanks for telling me that Rosalie, but just so you know, I would never hurt Jasper. Hurting him would only hurt me."

The smile returned to her face and she relaxed back into the couch. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, Edward. And just so you know, if you do ever hurt him, I will hunt you down and even the big moron over there won't be able to save you."

Shit! I had forgotten that Emmett was here with us. I informed Rosalie that the big moron was my cousin Emmett and was actually quite harmless.

The rest of the morning was spent watching Jasper and his band mates at work. They seemed like a really close bunch, laughing and playfully shoving each other. Every now and then, Jasper would glance over at me and wink or mouth "I love you". After a while, Rose, as she now said I could call her, moved to the other side of the room to talk to Alice and I was unceremoniously joined on the couch by Emmett, who kept throwing glances Rose's way.

As the shoot progressed, I only had eyes for Jasper. My man was fucking hot, there was no denying that. More than once I had to rearrange my pants, something Emmett was seeming to be doing too.

"Emmett, you know I love you man but you better not be doing that for the same reason I am!"

With a snort he replied, "Dude, wrong sibling. Being of the liking cock persuasion, you won't appreciate the hotness that is Rosalie. Man is she fine. I mean look at her, she's like some kind of wet dream. How'd that song go? You know, that one years ago by that made for MTV band? 'She's a dominatrix supermodel beauty queen'. That's Rosalie all over. What I wouldn't give to tap that. Dude, you gotta hook a brother up."

Informing Emmett that I would in no way help him hit on Rose, I left him sat on the couch looking like a wounded puppy. There was no way in hell was I getting involved in that and risking the wrath of Jasper's sister.

It was late afternoon by now, and the shoot was winding up. Whatever talk Rose and Alice had seemed to have helped Alice's mood. As the photographer was looking over the final shots with the band, Alice bounded over to me, her usual perky self. Wrapping her arms around my waist, she laid her head against my chest.

"I am happy for you, Edward, and I'm sorry for earlier. You're my big brother and I just want to see you happy. I don't know the full story about you and Jasper but I hope you will tell me soon. I'm going to tell him the same as I'm telling you now, please be careful. If whatever you two have doesn't work out, it's not just the two of you that is going to get hurt."

I could understand where she was coming from, I honestly could, and as much as I wanted to forget the past and just be with Jasper, there was still a long way to go before I was dancing from the rooftops singing my love. We couldn't just gloss over the past. I knew Jasper had a busy schedule, but I was seriously hoping Alice could find some time for him to take off, even if it was a day so we could talk and decide where we were going from here. I still wasn't sure I could handle being with Jasper only to loose him to the band touring for long periods of time.

Now the shoot was over, it was decided to head over to the band's hotel to get something to eat and for the guys to relax. For the first time in two weeks, they had a night off. Over a late lunch, the guys decided that what they really wanted to do was hit the town but couldn't decide where to go as security could be an issue. Emmett, who was still tagging, hoping to catch Rose's eye, decided to open his mouth. "You want to hit a club in this town, the only place to go is The Pit." With a sly grin in my direction, he added, "I'm tight with the owner so I can guarantee no queuing, VIP access, and I'm sure he'll be happy to supply a few free drinks, wouldn't you Eddie?"

Incredulous, Jasper stated, "You didn't tell me you owned a club nor did you, Alice. I though you were a DJ."

"Oh, he is," Alice claimed. "He just happens to own the club he DJ's at."

With a sigh, I told Jasper, "There's still a lot we don't know about each other. When we finally get a chance to sit down and talk, I'll tell you all about it."

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Alice said. "I spoke with Peter earlier and managed to get you all two days off. With the tour coming up you're going to be so busy, so it's up to you guys what you do, just so long as you let me know where you are and that you're at the studio for rehearsals at eight am Monday morning."

It was decided that we were all going to hit the club tonight, then me and Jasper could spend his remaining free time talking and deciding where we were going now we had found each other again.

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**Next chapter is in the works, we get to see Edward at work behind the decks.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I can't apologise enough for how long this took or how short it is. The past couple of months have been awful and I was so happy to see the back of 2010. It got to the point where I almost pulled all my fics and left because I just couldn't get anything out. OCDJen talked me down though, so if anyone still cares about these guys, you've got her to thank for them still being here.**

**By usual beta Mrs. Agget is out of action for a while so I have dtav to thank for the pre read and beta, thanx honey, you're amazing.**

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Edward slept like the dead last night, snuggled up to me. I'm glad one of us could sleep. My night wasn't as peaceful.

I lay there for hours, wide awake, thinking. Would he judge me for the things I had done, for the men I had used, the stupid situations I got myself into, all in the name of trying to forget about him?

Getting out of bed this morning, I had my whole day planned out. First, take Edward breakfast in bed and then spend as long as possible in his arms talking and moving forward. Then, Alice had to come along and spoil it all. I'm pissed that she knew all along. It's killing me that she knew. All those times she made comments, I now feel like she was just teasing me, trying to get the truth from me that Edward never felt comfortable enough to tell her.

If dealing with Alice wasn't bad enough, I then had to deal with his cousin Emmett who decided to tag along for the day. I may have been stupid enough to let Edward go, and blind enough not to see what he really meant to me, but I sure wasn't blind or stupid enough to not see that Emmett was attracted to my sister, Rose. God help us all.

I knew when Rose finally got her hands on me, after leaving without a word last night, I was in for shit.

Every time I caught Edward's eye during the shoot, he gave me this certain look. And, on more than one occasion, I caught him rearranging himself in his pants. I wanted nothing more than to grab him and take him away from all of these people and claim him as my own.

Once the shoot was over, we went back to our hotel and the guys decided we were going out tonight. That was when Emmett let it slip that Edward owned a club. I was stupid to not even consider that he had business interests.

Well before I was ready to let him go, Edward had to leave and ensure the club was ready for business. Telling me to bring an overnight bag with me and with a lingering, chaste kiss in front of everybody, I watched as he walked out of the hotel restaurant, praying there wouldn't be many more times I had to watch him walk away.

-  
I was freaking out. Edward had left me at the hotel with the guys to wind down. We were meeting him at his club later, then we were going to spend the next forty-eight hours together, no distractions. We were going to talk through everything and hopefully come out the other side stronger and together.

That was all well said and done but the minute I walked into his club, I was done for. You could not deny that his staff respected him. He was someone here, he wasn't just my Edward, and he was the boss. He commanded respect, and he got it. They were eating out of his hand.

What felt like a short time later, but was actually two hours later, Edward excused himself to go 'work the decks'.

I tried to make my way after him but Alice grabbed a hold of my arm, I turned to look at her as she grinned and said, "Believe me Jazz, you want to stay here and watch this."

I wasn't about to have another fight with Alice, so I listened to her.

As I stood on the VIP balcony, I watched Edward make his way over to the DJ booth. As he was walking, I could see him rolling the muscles in his shoulders as if he was about to go for a major work out in the gym.

He made his way into the DJ booth, knocked his shoulder with Tyler's, then dipped down behind the decks. I saw Tyler's hands move over the buttons on the decks as Edward reappeared wearing his headphones, one section on his left ear, the other below his chin. The lights on the dance floor dimmed and I heard the first strains of 'The Club Can't Handle Me'. A hush fell over the dance floor as the beat built up. With a flick of his wrist, Edward brought the lights up and the beat kicked in. He was glorious behind the decks. As the beat kicked in, Tyler high fived him then Edward was bouncing to the beat, fist pumping the air, the crowd going crazy below him. I had no idea a DJ could have this kind of hold over a crowd. When I go to a club, I never pay attention to the guy or girl spinning the tracks.

The lights faded again as the beat died down. It was hard to see Edward now but I could see the throng on the dance floor looking like they were a single throbbing organism pulsing to the low beat. I felt myself swaying along with the tempo of the crowd below me. The lights went back up with a cheer from the crowd, and my eyes went straight to the decks where Edward was. As the beat kicked in, I watched him flip his head backwards, his hair flying in all directions.

Edward stood there, arms out stretched, nodding his head to the beat in a way that was doing nothing to control my need for him.

I counted the beat along with him until the hard tempo kicked back in. The line from the song, 'the club can't handle me right now', had never been so true. Fuck the rest of the club, I couldn't handle him right now. When did shy Edward Cullen become such a fuck hot sex god?

For the next hour, I refused to move from my vantage point as I couldn't tear my eyes away from him and truthfully, I didn't want to. Edward had me dazzled, the command he had over the crowd was awe inspiring. I am a performer, have been for years, and I've never been able to command a crowd as well as he had for the past hour.

As Edward finished his set, I managed to pull my eyes away from him. There's nothing worse than being caught looking like a love sick fool. Scanning my surroundings, I found Alice sitting at the end of the bar talking to the bartender. I couldn't see my band mates anywhere which wasn't anything new. Continuing to look around, I came across a scene I wish I could bleach from my memory. Please god, tell me that's not my sister and Edward's cousin making out like teenagers in the corner. Tearing my eyes away before I lost my lunch, I scanned the room hoping Edward had made his way back up here.

That's when I saw him!

Waiting at the top of the stairs from the dance floor was a beautiful looking guy holding a towel and a bottle of water. From what I could see, he had a warm olive complexion and raven hair, he was maybe five years younger than me and the smile he wore lit up his whole face.

That smile was aimed at Edward, _My Edward._

As Edward appeared, Smiling Boy bounded over to him, placing the towel he held around his neck and handing him the bottle of water. As Edward took a long drink from the bottle, Smiling Boy had the nerve to put his hand on Edward's arm and to my horror, Edward didn't shake him off. Instead, he said something that had the boy laughing, and then after a brief hug he made his way over to me.

After that little display, he had the nerve to come kiss me on the cheek and say he'd be right back after he had cleaned up. Smiling Boy was also looking wistfully over in our direction. Fuck if I was having that!

After a staring contest with the little shit, I made my way to the bar and asked Alice if she could point me in the direction of Edward's office. I wasn't normally one for jealousy, but I would be fucked if some little shit was gonna get in my way now and Edward needed to know that.

I stalked down the corridor towards Edward's office door. I had no idea where this jealousy had come from, all I knew was that whatever I did next was probably a bad idea and not at all in line with our plans to take thing slow.

No matter how many times I told myself to head back to the bar and wait, I just couldn't.

The short walk to his office door seemed to take forever but eventually I felt the door handle beneath my fingers. No going back now.

Stepping into his office, Edward's back was to me. As silently as I could, I closed the door hoping he wouldn't hear the click as I needed every second I could get to form a plan in my head.

Edward's fingers gripped the hem of his t-shirt. _Fuck planning, if he takes that shirt off all bets are off!_

Slowly, like he knew I or someone at least was watching, he inched his shirt up over his abs. As the hem of his shirt reached his chin, I lurched forward, and grabbed a hold of his arms effectively restraining him.

"Jasper?" he questioned.

"Who the fuck else were you expecting? That twink out there?" I all but sneered back at him.

"Twink? What twink? You mean Benjamin? Jasper, he's just a guy with a crush on me, nothing has ever happened between him and me. You know, this conversation would be a whole lot easier if I wasn't talking to you through my t shirt."

With a sigh, I let go of his arms and quickly removed the t-shirt and used it to wipe his face. Sighing, he asked if I minded that he get freshened up before we continued the conversation.

He made his way into a room at the back of his office which I assumed was a small bathroom when I heard a tap turn on. I settled myself into his desk chair and waited for him to return, all the while trying to swallow down my jealousy.

I know I have no reason to be jealous. Ten years is a long time and I would be stupid to expect he put his life on hold and waited for me. Of course there had been others for him, just like there had been for me, I just needed to keep myself in check and not scare him off with how intense my hatred was for the others that had had the pleasure of him in my absence.

I didn't hear the tap turn off or Edward's return to the office, so when he spoke I was startled.

"You're looking a little intense there Jazz. Wanna tell me what the hell that little scene was all about?"

"Honestly? I was pissed off at him for touching you and you for letting him."

He made his way around his desk and sat on the edge of it in front of me. Feeling ashamed of my behavior, I couldn't meet his eyes so instead kept my gaze on my hands which were fisted in my lap.

"Jazz," he sighed. "Benjamin is a friend, not even that really. He's here most nights and we talk, nothing more"

"But the towel and the water?"

"I have no idea when that started, honestly. I'm grateful for it and always make sure to say thank you. Occasionally, I'll sit and have a drink with him. He's a good kid. What I don't understand, Jazz, is why I'm having to explain this to you?"

He was right, he shouldn't have to explain shit to me.

"I'm sorry Edward. I have no idea where that came from, I guess I just got scared. I've just got you back and to see someone else with his hands on you, I really can't explain it anymore than to say it's stupidity and jealousy"

Still not meeting his gaze, I heard him sigh then saw his hands reaching for mine. Taking my hands in his, he sighed again. "What are we going to do with you?"

Looking up at him through my lashes, I grinned sheepishly, "Love me?" I questioned.

With a chuckle, he pulled on my hands until I was standing. Wrapping his hands around my waist, he pulled me to him, nestled his head into my chest and whispered, "I do love you."

Taking his face in my hands, I lowered my head and brushed my lips against his gently. "I love you too Edward, more than you know."

I felt, rather than saw, his smile. His lips brushed against mine once, twice, then I felt his tongue brush my bottom lip. Our gentle kiss soon turned into something more until we were both pulling away gasping for breath.

Standing, Edward took my hand. "As much as I would love to stay here like this, I think we need to head back to my place and have that talk."

With a resigned sigh, I nodded. Walking out of his office, I could only hope we were walking towards our future, together.

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**A/N 2 Thanks for reading**

**I won't promise a quick update, but I will promise an update at some point and hopefully longer now the boys are talking again.**

**I will be entering a one shot into the Twilight No Stress Love Fest, when the posts go live make sure to pop on over and have a look and try and guess which one was mine. Check in with OntheTurningAway and Naelany for details.**


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